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Episode 36: Masturbation

Masturbation is often a charged topic with many individuals and couples. The messages we receive about masturbation can influence our current sexual relationships. Join popular author and sex therapist Laurie Watson and psychologist Dr. Adam Mathews as they discuss maturbation through adolescence and into adulthood, as well as it’s impact on coupled sex.

  1. I have been married for 25 years, and my wife says she has NEVER masturbated and never even thought about it, even to this day. I still find it hard to believe, but accept her word on this. My question is, how can I get her to see that it is ok to masturbate, and that I would like to enjoy mutual masturbation with her. She is also VERY against sex toys in any fashion, saying they are vulgar. We are Catholic, but not hard core religious, so religious reasons are not the source of her not liking it. She says she does not care if I masturbate, but doesnt want to know about per say. I have even thought that maybe something happened to her earlier in life that she has such a lack of interest in masturbation. We have been together for 30 years, and both are 48. Our sex life is OK, not super passionate but good. She is just unwilling to try anything new, especially positions other than missionary. I just am not sure how I can approach her again about masturbation without making her mad. Thanks.

    • Christopher, it sounds to me like your wife has religious inhibitions. It doesn’t sound like she has specific objections to any of the things you’re suggesting, rather it’s just that they don’t resemble standard, acceptable, and approved “church sex for the purposes of procreation”. I’d bet that to her things like masturbation, sex toys, other positions, etc. all suggest that the focus is on “selfish pleasure”, not the higher and loftier purpose sex “should” serve.

      Also, since it appears she doesn’t have enthusiasm for the physical pleasure of sex for some reason, the big question is, does she have orgasms? If she allows only missionary, and doesn’t allow mutual masturbation, are you saying she doesn’t allow you to touch her clitoris during missionary sex (or she doesn’t touch herself then)? Or does she orgasm from missionary sex alone, which most women can’t? That might be the very FIRST question to ask here — does she have orgasms??? I’d bet that would be one of Laurie’s first questions too, based on her podcasts.

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