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George Faller [00:00:32]:

Pretty big deal. Laurie episode 400 four zero zero.

Laurie Watson [00:00:42]:

Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:00:46]:

And I’m George Faller, your couple’s therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:00:49]:

We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:00:51]:

Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.

Laurie Watson [00:00:59]:

And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right.

George Faller [00:01:01]:

G. Listen and let’s change some relationships. So excited. Laurie, another in person training. Philadelphia unleashing the power of sex and EFT for therapists. October 4 and October 5. This is one of our favorite trainings to do. It’s such a need out there to empower therapists to keep their focus better in session and know how to help couples facilitate these bonding conversations through sex. Most of us don’t grow up in families talking about this stuff, so get some of the tools that you need. Have some fun. Engage with other therapists. It’s great to be back in person.

Laurie Watson [00:01:38]:

Oh, yes. It is so great to be in person. We had so much fun in our last in person training. I mean, people actually laugh at our jokes. And I got to say, some of what we’re doing, I think it’s pretty cutting edge. We’re working on stage one and stage two. For those of you who are therapists and EFT, you’ll get what we’re talking about. But even if you’re not an EFT therapist, there’s a lot here that you can learn about how to talk with couples about sex and how to become more expert at it.

George Faller [00:02:06]:

And if you’re a listener and you do have a therapist and your therapist doesn’t know about EFT, tell them, you know what? I think you should check this training out. I guarantee they’ll come out of that training with some new tools, which is that’s what we’re in the business of, right? Creating change with new tools.

Laurie Watson [00:02:21]:

Yes. So come join us in October in Philadelphia. Well, I’ve been doing the podcast for 400 episodes, and, gee, you’ve been with me for at least half of that. Can you believe we have been doing this for almost four years together?

George Faller [00:02:36]:

This is really your moment in the sun here. This has been your little baby, your little project. I mean, 400 episodes that’s a legacy. That’s a body of work that people can’t deny. That is a long time of talking about this topic, and it’s just your passion for helping people and getting good information out there. So, bravo. To you. Laurie Watson. Doctor Laurie Watson.

Laurie Watson [00:03:04]:

Call me doctor, baby.

George Faller [00:03:06]:

Call you doctor, baby.

Laurie Watson [00:03:08]:

It’s been an amazing know. I’ll tell the story of how it happened. I used to be on sort of shock jock radio, and they offered me this slot to do my own thing for a half an hour. And it was going to be right before the UNC Chapel Hill football and basketball games. And so my husband and I were dreaming it up and it’s know, right before the game know. And so that was how the name happened. And then we recorded it and it was a deal. They said I could do anything I wanted. And then they listened to a couple of episodes and they’re like, no, it’s too sexual. We cannot possibly publish this. Parents are going to be bringing their kids to the game. They’re not going to want to be listening to this sexy stuff. So they took it back.

George Faller [00:03:56]:

Mom, what is the cheese spot? Can you tell me?

Laurie Watson [00:04:01]:

They took it back, and I was so mad, I’m like, just forget it. I’m going to podcast. And I had no idea that it would grow this big or people would want to listen. I knew that some of the things I said that felt pretty common sense to me. People when I was lecturing and stuff like that at schools and all that, they were like, oh, man, I never heard this. I thought, well, maybe I’ll do a few episodes and get it out there and see what people think. And I guess I kept doing it. And now you and I working together has been very exciting. And I’ve learned a lot as well from you, especially the integration of sex and emotional cycles. And you’ve brought so much energy to the podcast. I really appreciate you as well.

George Faller [00:04:55]:

North Carolina’s radio stations. Loss is the world’s game.

Laurie Watson [00:05:00]:

So true. So true.

George Faller [00:05:02]:

Good example of resilience and something redemptive happening from a rejection.

Laurie Watson [00:05:08]:

Yes.

George Faller [00:05:09]:

But 400, it’s nice to just take a moment to applaud you. And we both believe this is just the start, right? It’s just a foundation that’s pretty solid. It’s based on lots of research and practical experience. And you build something on a good foundation, you could go pretty high. So that’s our hope here.

Laurie Watson [00:05:34]:

Yes. And we thought to celebrate, we would do something really sexy and talk about some sexual technique today. And so we’re really taking this from some research that was done by Yale and IU.

George Faller [00:05:52]:

Indiana University.

Laurie Watson [00:05:54]:

Yes, Indiana University. And it was a big research and kind of like some things that really work for people sexually, especially for women. But I thought that I would also add a special sexy technique that would.

George Faller [00:06:12]:

Well, we’re big on research, we’re big on science, and that this is actually the largest ever study on woman’s pleasure. So what better way to celebrate 400 than talking about the clitoris and celebrating that? But I think the research is with Dr. Christina Von Hippel and Dr. Devon Hensel. So this is a lot of stuff.

Laurie Watson [00:06:35]:

Based on their know, basically they’re talking about a good way to warm up a woman. And I think that I hear this a lot from women, that the men know their male partners know they have to touch their clitoris, so why not start touching their clitoris?

George Faller [00:06:54]:

It’s not like a joystick. You just got to go as fast as possible when you start touching it. Exactly. That’s what men think. It’s like once you take the underwear off, it’s like, that’s not what it’s supposed to be. All right.

Laurie Watson [00:07:09]:

We’Re going to do a video clip on that for sure. That’s hilarious. Yeah, exactly. Because the clitoris doesn’t feel so good when it’s unaroused. And so how do you get a woman’s vulva aroused? And they talk about broadening. That’s their term that they use, broadening.

George Faller [00:07:28]:

Just make sure broadening okay.

Laurie Watson [00:07:32]:

And I love anything that gives us language for sexual technique. And I do think that they have done that and oh, my God, yes is kind of the sponsor of this. So you can definitely get to them. Ohmygodyes.com, but use our code foreplay because they’ve been a sponsor and will be a sponsor again for us. And so if you want to check this out, that would be great. But broadening is basically using the palm of your hand to warm up the vulva. So not going in with your fingers to her clitoris, but just kind of using a gentle, whole hand method. I also think kind of the back of your hand rubbing the back of your hand over her vulva. It’s kind of a teasing move, and that sort of signals her, like, whoa, okay, that’s getting ready for that. But it’s something that kind of brings her awareness to her vulva without it being too invasive or maybe when she’s not quite ready for such a direct touch.

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Laurie Watson [00:09:06]:

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George Faller [00:09:31]:

So men listening resist the rapid firing away that I think a lot of us have been taught to do.

Laurie Watson [00:09:40]:

Exactly. This is a way to warm up and just to start and good technique. Probably anything that is coming close to the vulva, inner thighs touching and then actually palming the vulva is a good.

George Faller [00:09:58]:

Move for the beginning and also above the clitoris. Right. What do they call that region, Laurie?

Laurie Watson [00:10:07]:

Right. The mons pubis.

George Faller [00:10:09]:

The mons can’t even pronounce it, putting pressure there. I mean, a lot of this broadening is just trying to expand the field, not just zone right in on that clitoris. So there’s a whole lot going on there that’s kind of wanting touch and pressure and teasing and playing and all of that is kind of hopefully you’ve had a lot of foreplay before that, too, but that’s all this kind of warming up that’s going to make for a much more successful encounter.

Laurie Watson [00:10:37]:

Right. So broadening, it does kind of stimulate the vulva and the clitoris, but it’s not so direct. Okay, so then getting to the clitoris and certainly there’s lots of patterns that women like. If you are a woman, please show the guy kind of what you do like or at least describe it to him or maybe you like different things. And I think men should have fun trying to discover on their own, too and maybe listening to the moans and sensitivity and feedback that they get. But she kind of knows her pattern and many women learn their patterns through masturbation so they kind of know what works.

George Faller [00:11:21]:

Right.

Laurie Watson [00:11:22]:

But orbiting is basically kind of a circle around the clitoris with fingers. Also, I suppose you could orbit as well in oral sex, using the tongue to circle the clitoris.

George Faller [00:11:36]:

Sometimes circling versus going up and down.

Laurie Watson [00:11:39]:

Yeah, circling, going because going up and down, like what’s the difference? Going up and down, you’re going to stroke the underside of the clitoris which is where the glands is. And that could be really great for some people because that is the most stimulating kind of place is the very glands, that little p part of the clitoris. But circling, you would only touch it occasionally and it would be more like mushing the surrounding tissue so it wouldn’t be quite as direct. So I think a lot of women like that. I talked to lots of women about this. This is probably the favorite touch that they use for themselves. Kind of the favorite touch that they want their men to do. And not saying that up and down is out of the picture but maybe as you get more aroused, greater arousal in some ways causes both less arousal and more arousal. I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s like you want more direct touch. So maybe up and down becomes better after you’re sort of higher in arousal.

George Faller [00:12:47]:

Is that God’s funny sense of humor to kind of create the clitoris and surround it with all these hoods and different things like different times? It needs different touch. This is why a lot of men, if they don’t listen or they don’t get some kind of education, right? There’s some feedback. It’s hard to know they don’t have a clitoris, and a penis seems so much easier. Like, you touch it here, and this is a different instrument we’re talking about here.

Laurie Watson [00:13:15]:

I do feel for men because it is so complicated. It’s like, complicated by time, by her cycle, by her mood, time of the month. Your estrogen can change your sensitivity of your clitoris. I mean, menopause can change the sensitivity of your clitoris. It’s hard for you. I think the idea is really good communication. And if a man can say, I don’t know, I don’t have to know, but I do need you to tell me and not feel bad when maybe the same thing he did two nights ago doesn’t work anymore. It’s like, it’s not his fault. She had more salt. She had MSG, she had Chinese food, and it just doesn’t feel good anymore.

George Faller [00:14:06]:

How much ahead of the game are you going to be as a partner, as a male partner that I know a direct hit to the clitoris is different than going up and down or doing orbiting or starting off with a broadening. These are all techniques that are just going to fine tune your ability to attune and to read your partner. If you have no idea where the hood is or kind of where the clitoris is, and you’re just going down there just like a joystick going as fast as possible, chances are you’re not going to have as much success. So again, these women’s studies made by women are going to be the experts on kind of helping us men become better at understanding your bodies.

Laurie Watson [00:14:50]:

Right? And I heard a male client talk about what he did to a woman, and he was saying, I touch her, I stroke her, and then I go really where it really counts, right into I put my fingers right into her vagina, and I’m like, okay, that could feel really good. But he just clearly didn’t know that the most sensitive place was the clitoris. And some women, again, that orbiting might not be might be more like moving the tissue gently versus friction. So it’s almost like pressure plus movement versus gliding over it. And I would really, really say, please use a lubricant or use maybe a little bit of oral sex first or something so that she’s not dry and Evolva is not completely dry. So maybe men don’t know what that means, but a little bit more moisture and so that there’s enough that it’s not going to feel rough to her would be helpful.

George Faller [00:16:00]:

All right, we’re inviting you all to think about different pressures and textures and tickling versus firm. And there’s different locations. There’s actually a lot of cool stuff to be doing down here, so let’s come back and get the next two.

Laurie Watson [00:16:14]:

Okay. Hey, foreplay. FAM. We are excited to have oh my God, yes. As one of our sponsors again. Welcome back. That’s OMG y e s.com. And what is this? Basically? In partnership with Kinsey Institute researchers, they asked tens of thousands of women george. What made pleasure better by themselves and with their partners.

George Faller [00:16:39]:

No, this is so great. I’m starting to see all over the Internet just popping up. The message is being spread. Men learn how to touch. Your women learn where in the clitoris and how to do it. I mean, this is amazing. Really stuff.

Laurie Watson [00:16:52]:

It is. There’s patterns of what women like and that’s what they’ve organized with good techniques. They have super honest videos that are definitely erotic and explicit. There’s animations which are really fun. You can kind of practice and there’s how to’s many people think, well, I’ve got techniques that work for me, but there’s always more to explore. So we encourage you to use oh my God. Yes. A lot. It really does feel like you can learn from women who are very honest. It’s an artfully done website. It is explicit, but I think it really shows something that is vulnerable without blushing and without shame, where women talk about and they do show techniques that are really important to pleasure.

George Faller [00:17:37]:

And it’s a fantastic way to start a conversation. Right. That’s usually the hardest step for most couples. And here you are. You got something that’s going to launch you right into a conversation.

Laurie Watson [00:17:46]:

Absolutely. Go to Omgys.com Foreplay for our special discount. That’s omgys.com foreplay. Oh my God. Yes.

George Faller [00:17:58]:

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Laurie Watson [00:18:07]:

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George Faller [00:18:47]:

You got to love that. Cozy Earth provided an exclusive offer to our listeners up to 35% off sitewide today. If you use the code foreplay.

Laurie Watson [00:18:59]:

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George Faller [00:20:28]:

All right, Laurie, one of your favorite topics not a secret. At number three on this list is the G regions.

Laurie Watson [00:20:38]:

Oh, is that’s really my favorite topic? Interesting. The G spot. Yeah.

George Faller [00:20:44]:

You know, the G spot.

Laurie Watson [00:20:50]:

I think the G spot is a super sexy spot. That’s probably true. And pressure there, especially when it’s combined with other kinds of stimulation. It could be collateral stimulation or anal stimulation or something. A lot of women say that is super hot because it’s a part of the vagina. It’s kind of the upper top wall of the vagina. So, again, if she’s lying on her back and it’s about a man’s finger length into her vagina, you kind of pass over the pelvic bones, and then there’s this soft roof. And most women like that stimulated with a come hither motion. So it’s kind of a gentle but firm touch. You don’t want to be too hard, and you also don’t want to be too feathery, too tickly, because it’s nerve endings. It’s actually the underside of the clitoris is what it is, but it’s right below the bladder.

George Faller [00:21:53]:

You want to make sure your nails are trimmed, too, right?

Laurie Watson [00:21:56]:

Thank you, George. Thank you. Yes, having nails trimmed, very good idea, for sure.

George Faller [00:22:03]:

All right.

Laurie Watson [00:22:04]:

Yeah. But it’s penetration, and some women, that’s like a mind blowing experience, because they’re often getting stimulation in two ways clitoral stimulation, G spot. And I think what happens as a woman is that what makes it mind blowing is you can’t figure out what’s happening. It’s like it all just feels good, but it’s so confusing about what’s happening. You kind of just give over to the pleasure, and that giving over is a surrender and feels really good.

George Faller [00:22:39]:

Nice.

Laurie Watson [00:22:40]:

Yeah.

George Faller [00:22:41]:

And I always liken when you’re describing the G spot is really the back end of the clitoris. So it makes sense that if the clitoris is being kind of stimulated in two different locations and you’re not really sure which one is both being turned on, and that’s just a more powerful, engaging encounter.

Laurie Watson [00:23:01]:

Yes. And I think she could why don’t.

George Faller [00:23:04]:

We have G spots.

Laurie Watson [00:23:06]:

You do. You have a P spot even more erotic than a G spot is what I hear. Of course, I have not been in a man’s body, but that’s what I hear.

George Faller [00:23:18]:

The hell’s a p spot?

Laurie Watson [00:23:19]:

The prostate gland.

George Faller [00:23:21]:

Oh, okay.

Laurie Watson [00:23:23]:

But we won’t talk about that this time.

George Faller [00:23:27]:

We’re not going to take the attention away from the women’s body parts here. So let’s keep going. We got this G spot. What else you got for us in a G spot?

Laurie Watson [00:23:37]:

Okay, so framing is basically it’s don’t come. It’s like extending and prolonging foreplay, not making it about how fast can you reach orgasm. I do think, and I’ve said this so many times, if a man says take your time, it’s like that. He’s there all day, wants to give you pleasure. It’s almost like you would come more quickly because all that pressure is lifted. And when the pressure is lifted, which prevents you from gaining arousal, then your body just wants to and don’t come is another game I always recommend in terms of if she’s having trouble. It’s like, okay, well, this is just we’ll see if it’s your night or not, but I just want to touch you and see if you enjoy it. It’s like don’t think about coming. And when you say to somebody, don’t come, it’s like the brakes are off. And we know that we can have good gas pedals, that we know how to have pleasure. But sometimes those breaks when we tell ourselves, oh, I’m taking so long, he’s getting bored. What’s wrong with me? He’s got an erection. We got to get to intercourse. All those thoughts, put the brakes on your own arousal. But if it’s like, hey, let’s just make this about pleasure, or don’t come tonight, or I’ll see if you can come tonight, or whatever, that takes the brakes off. And so this is kind of framing it as it’s about pleasure.

George Faller [00:25:14]:

A little reverse psychology, right? Don’t worry about your orgasm. Actually, I want you to kind of delay your orgasm. All of a sudden, I start to speed everything up.

Laurie Watson [00:25:24]:

I mean, I tell women this about men, too. Like, if he’s having trouble, he’s thrusting inside you and say, oh, wait, don’t come yet. And it’s like automatic. He just gets there, takes the brakes off.

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George Faller [00:27:10]:

Well, I want to mention quickly, though, some of the outcome of the study that I think is pretty dramatic. So this is the biggest study on female orgasm to date. And just getting people partners more intentional, thinking about it, experimenting with it. Look at these numbers, Lori. 95% of participants experience some kind of new form of pleasure that they didn’t have before they started.

Laurie Watson [00:27:40]:

Yeah.

George Faller [00:27:42]:

89% of participants experience better sex, more enjoyable sex. 81% of participants discovered new ways to talk to their partner about what they like.

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George Faller [00:28:00]:

That’s what we’re talking about here. Being able to communicate more effectively, having something like this, any kind of program that’s just trying to get you to be more intentional. Before you know it, you’re talking about things you never talked about. You know what I don’t like up and down. I like a little bit of orbited and great information for your partner. You’re more engaged. Your partner feels more confident. Boom. This ex is better.

Laurie Watson [00:28:22]:

And I like that you’re like using the terms. I think so many people don’t say that right? They say, oh, I just like it down there. I just like, whatever you do, whatever you touch. They’re not saying the type of touch that they like. And suddenly, as you say it, it’s like, we all know what you’re talking about. That, to me, is explicit sexual language that is so great in terms of helping people with technique and helping them with pleasure. So should I tell them one more thing? Do I have time to tell them one more thing?

George Faller [00:28:56]:

You do.

Laurie Watson [00:28:56]:

Okay, good.

George Faller [00:28:58]:

This is the bonus material, because it’s a 400 material.

Laurie Watson [00:29:02]:

I came across this in instagram, and I thought, oh, I didn’t know that it had a name. But you know, when a woman squeezes a man’s penis when he’s having intercourse with her and squeezes his penis with her vagina, it’s actually called pompe. It’s a French word.

George Faller [00:29:23]:

French covered up with all these sexual terms. So they’re, like, squeezing with their kegel.

Laurie Watson [00:29:31]:

Muscles to try to yes, squeezing with their kegel muscles to just increase sort of a pulsing or a long squeeze. I mean, you can probably do it different ways, but men can feel that and it can kind of make intercourse something new and sexy and exciting.

George Faller [00:29:49]:

They squeeze so hard it locks and then they don’t let go. Would that be a problem?

Laurie Watson [00:29:54]:

This is George’s Castration. Anxiety coming out.

George Faller [00:29:57]:

It’s coming.

Laurie Watson [00:30:01]:

No. Yeah, I don’t think we could squeeze that hard. I don’t think any woman has quite that ability. But just to give fair play, maybe there’s a technique here that men could really enjoy and pump hair. So you could ask your partner, would you do the pump hair technique on me?

George Faller [00:30:22]:

More words. I love what Lori says. Just explicit. We’d hear explicit sexual language and where they get all these curse words. But think about these words. Framing, broadening, right?

Laurie Watson [00:30:35]:

Circling.

George Faller [00:30:36]:

Circling. What a great way to just get clearer about what you like and what turns you on. And like you said, what worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow. We’re all in different places and need different things. That’s why the communication is critical. And I love how this research emphasizes that when you give people more words, guess what? They can communicate more effectively with their partner. That is the mission of this podcast, is to empower people to have more words. We all get it’s awkward and we don’t know what to say. It’s the silence that takes over in bedrooms. That’s what kills sex, right? When people can communicate, beautiful things happen.

Laurie Watson [00:31:18]:

Yeah, absolutely. And so just celebrate with us our 400th episode. Please share with people. You don’t have to post it on social media, but maybe you could send it to a few friends that would like to improve their sex life and would like to know how to talk about it. The number one feedback we get is that we are now talking about sex in ways that we never thought was possible. You guys have made it so natural, so easy to talk about, and now we have a model for how to talk about it. So that, to me, is high praise. I appreciate those kinds of letters so much. Really do. And appreciate that you’ve been listening for 400 episodes.

George Faller [00:32:03]:

Wow, that’s a lot of miles on the Treadmaster or whatever, the ways people listen to their podcasts. But we are both incredibly grateful. And it’s the feedback that we get that keeps encouraging us to do more, to get clearer, to find new words and different studies. Because we hope by episode 800 or 1000, there’s just more out there for all of us to use. Because we all deserve we’re on this planet. We got this one space at time. You might as well make it the best sex and connection that you have.

Laurie Watson [00:32:40]:

Yes, celebrate with us. Please give us a rate and review on Apple podcasts. Spotify as well will help us and. We just thank you. Thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:32:52]:

Keep it hot, y’all.

Laurie Watson [00:32:55]:

I would love to invite you. This is women only, but we are having a retreat in Asheville on November 10 through the twelveTH and it’s going to be a slumber party and so we’re going to all stay together in the same cabin. It’s a beautiful space and we’re going to have meals brought in and made and we know who the chef is and so it’s going to be wonderful. Maybe drink a little bit of wine if you’d like to, and we have kind of some talks and time to work together on your sexuality. So the whole goal of this women’s sexuality retreat, the slumber party, is to basically enhance and develop yourself, your erotic self inside. So we’re going to be talking about anatomy and physiology and sexual attachment. We’re going to talk through blocks, what stops us? What are the breaks against our sexual expression and then what are our gas pedals, what are our turn ons? How do we open up more sexually, like with enhanced sexual pleasure? And we’re going to talk about orgasms and roleplay and using toys and fantasies and some stuff. And each night we’re going to have a pajama party where we just relax and sit around and talk on the deck and hang out together. And then on Sunday morning we’re going to set our focus and have concrete steps toward sexual engagement with our partners.

George Faller [00:34:18]:

Sounds pretty awesome. Laurie and all the men. Don’t worry about it. Maybe we’ll have like a Spartan camp out somewhere, have a couple of beers and we’ll do our own version of that someday.

Laurie Watson [00:34:29]:

That would be great. So love to invite you. I will post it on Foreplaysextherapy.com under resources and there will be the retreat, the scheduling events, and you can link and figure out if you can make it with us on November 10 through the twelveTH in Asheville.

Joe Davis- Announcer [00:34:49]:

Call in your questions to the Foreplay Question voicemail dial eight three three my. Foreplay. That’s eight three three my. The number four play and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.

Speaker Ads [00:35:11]:

What is up, you guys? I’m your host, Kristen Doty, and you probably know me from the show Vanderpump Rules. I’ve been through a lot in my dating life, and a lot of it was aired all over the world. And honestly, you all probably know more about it than I do. But I have a new podcast with my co host, Luke Broderick, where no topic is off limits. If you want to judge free zone about falling in love, juicy hookup stories, and the inner workings of the male mind, listen to sex, love, and what else matters. Wherever you get your podcasts.