Joe Davis – Announcer [00:00:00]:

The following content is not suitable for children.

George Faller [00:00:02]:

Let’s talk about sex. Laurie, what do you think?

Laurie Watson [00:00:05]:

Laurie I want to talk about sex. George. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:00:15]:

And I’m George Faller, your couple’s therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:00:18]:

We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:00:20]:

Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate great their body, their mind, and their hearts.

Laurie Watson [00:00:28]:

And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right?

George Faller [00:00:30]:

G listen and let’s change some relationships.

Laurie Watson [00:00:34]:

Uber lube. It’s a luxury lubricant. Can you say that three times fast? Uber lube. Luxury lubricant. Basically, it’s pure silicone bliss. It is made from superior ingredients. It has skin soothing vitamin E, and it goes on just like natural moisture. And it lasts a long time. There’s no drip. Their glass bottles are truly beautiful. You can leave them on your bedstand. I do no problem. Nobody notices. And it’s basically like this thin, slippery silicone formulation. It reduces friction, which is great, but it doesn’t reduce sensation. And it stays slippery long enough for lasting pleasure. They have travel friendly, toughened glass bottles. You can slip it in your gym bag. You can slip it in your purse. You can be ready whenever. Try Uber lube. The silicone [email protected]. Use the code Foreplay for 10% off. Really? It is the best lubricant on the market.

George Faller [00:01:35]:

Communicating, talking about sex. So many people. This is such a gas pedal, right? They want to talk about sex before, during, after, just talking about it, unfortunately or fortunately. I don’t know how you want to look at it. They’re often partnered with somebody who doesn’t really want to talk about sex.

Laurie Watson [00:01:51]:

That is true.

George Faller [00:01:52]:

That’s going to be a clash between a gas pedal and a brake. What do we do?

Laurie Watson [00:01:56]:

Yin and yang.

Speaker Ads [00:01:59]:

This episode is brought to you by Special K. However hectic life gets, the fuel you choose matters. So Special K has made two new irresistible varieties. Special K, high protein with real almonds, a rich chocolate flavor, and 20 grams of protein. And Special K with 0 gram of sugar packed with cinnamon flavor, 20 grams of protein and two net carbs. Visit specialk.com to find a retailer near you.

Laurie Watson [00:02:26]:

We are often partnered with somebody who kind of has the opposite defense structure as we do pursuers partner with, withdrawers. That is the most common thing, right?

George Faller [00:02:38]:

So we’re going to talk today just about how can we get people more on the same page and get more of this common ground so they could have more to connect with each other. So let’s talk about these gas pedals. What do you think? For people that just really enjoy the debrief, right? They want to talk about sex beforehand because we can come up with some ideas they might like during sex, shouting out, spank me, baby. Who knows what that verbal stuff, it’s just a turn off to their brain.

Laurie Watson [00:03:09]:

I just saw george say that? Oh, God.

George Faller [00:03:12]:

Call me Daddy. I don’t know. Whatever you want to throw out there. Right. And then this know, a lot of times the withdrawal is like, how that was great. Let’s just fall asleep in each other’s arms. The pursuer’s just perking up. They’re like, well, how is that? What did you like? Did that work? Did that not work? And they want to go play by play over the whole scene. I think it worked with so many pursuers, it’s just a way of stretching out that good feeling, and they want.

Laurie Watson [00:03:38]:

To talk about it the next morning. Right, too. Just to stretch it out even further.

George Faller [00:03:42]:

Is there ever a bad time to talk about it?

Laurie Watson [00:03:44]:

Says a pursuer.

George Faller [00:03:46]:

I do think there are some beautiful longings in a lot of it. We can talk about some anxiety, too, but that longing that wants to stretch out the positive, that wants to hear good information. I mean, it wants to hear, you are amazing. I love that. I love you. Because those feelings just continue to let the person stay in the experience. They continue to have more of it. So, again, I think a lot that’s good for withdrawals to hear it’s like the intent is not to evaluate you or to judge you or to make you feel bad. It’s really to stretch out this good place.

Laurie Watson [00:04:20]:

I think the intent is the excitement. We want to keep talking about it because it feels so exciting to talk about sex, to talk about what just happened, to understand our partner’s mind about it. Like, what was it like for you? What did you think about? What did you fantasize about? What did you enjoy most? Is there anything I could have done that would have made it even better for you? That is an exciting conversation to a sexual pursuer, but I think it lands and it has an impact that’s slightly different.

George Faller [00:04:52]:

Right. Well, I also think we need to make room for there oftentimes is anxiety infused in that excitement that’s looking for reassurance, that’s saying, hey, how was that for you? Because I want to hear that it was really good because anxiety says maybe it wasn’t, because oftentimes you’re not communicating. Right. So that pushing energy might be looking for some reassurance, too.

Laurie Watson [00:05:14]:

Yes, absolutely. Especially if your partner, if you don’t know, maybe because they weren’t verbal enough or you don’t know if they climaxed or their body didn’t tell you how excited they were. I mean, there is, I think, in the debrief times that we want our partner to tell us either what wasn’t working or what was working because we don’t know. And so that reassurance is at least they’re engaged with us. They’re engaged enough in the conversation to want to improve it, to make it better for themselves. You say this a lot. A pursuer wants a withdrawal to want sex for themselves. And one way we push them as a sexual pursuer is to get them to talk about how it would be better. And also the anxiety is, I think, as a sexual pursuer is are they not expressive enough? Because I’m not doing it right, I’m not a good enough lover, I’m not as attractive or whatever. The millions of anxiety thoughts that come to the head of a pursuer, they need relief from that. So yeah, they push the debrief.

George Faller [00:06:23]:

Yeah. So we’re getting the pushing that either wants excitement, more positivity or they want some reassurance. We also know great lovers can communicate so that we want to focus on the health. Right? Because if couples can talk more, they’re going to have better sex.

Laurie Watson [00:06:42]:

Yes.

George Faller [00:06:42]:

So what’s getting in a way, let’s try to shift gears towards what’s blocking more of these withdrawers from wanting to talk about it. What is it about, hey, how was that for you, baby? That just leads to, come on, I don’t want to talk about that. Let’s just enjoy the silence. What is it about the lack of words that’s a lot safer for a lot of withdrawals?

Laurie Watson [00:07:07]:

I will say, and I’m speaking from a female body, that arousal is a de inhibitor. And so when you’re really aroused, most women feel kind of their modesty barriers coming down, the sense that they can be more open. But oftentimes the debrief is after they’re no longer aroused, even if it’s in the bed their arousal has deescalated. And so suddenly what asserts itself, I think, is this barrier to now I’m kind of coming back into the self. I let go, I was uninhibited, I entered that realm of fusion and now I’m coming back into the self and I just kind of need to find me again. And this feels not as good anymore. Like it’s too open, I feel too exposed, I feel too vulnerable in an unaroused state to be communicating. And that might not make sense if your sexual withdrawal is not very communicative or open during aroused state. But this is what women tell me a lot, George, is that once they’re not aroused, they feel know all the pressures of being a good girl, not talking about it, not thinking about not wanting it. A lot of those things come into play in their heads again. So there’s pressure that way.

George Faller [00:08:31]:

So let me add to that pressure because I hear a lot of sexual withdrawers say they feel so relaxed afterwards, they just want to stay in that space. And it’s starting to introduce the words, introduces the pressure again. They have a lot of pressure before sex. So when they actually can let themselves go and they’re just enjoying the oxytocin high and they just want to relax, it’s so hard for their body to get to that relaxed state. They don’t want to ruin that. And a lot of times that’s what it feels like words are going to do, right. It’s going to be like all right? What did I do wrong? What did you want differently? There’s always some kind of message that their body’s bracing for. They just don’t want to feel that. So they’re not trying to push away their partner. They’re trying to push away the pressure that’s coming in these conversations.

Laurie Watson [00:09:16]:

I think that’s a good distinction. Yes. And I think withdrawers generally are more present oriented. They’re in the moment. They’re not comparing this moment to the potential next moment or the last moment. They just want to stay there. And I think you’re right. Switching modes from feeling in their body to an intellectual discussion and thinking about it, it’s like, okay, then I have to leave my body’s pleasant, wonderful, relaxed feelings and go into my head. And that’s not necessarily what we want for a sexual withdrawal, to leave that pleasant, wonderful, rewarding relaxation.

George Faller [00:09:55]:

And that’s what would feel like a bridge. How could the conversation feel relaxed? Because it was a relaxed conversation. That might be something that which or be more interested in.

Laurie Watson [00:10:07]:

One of the things you have said in trainings and that I’ve listened to that. withdrawers don’t particularly like questions as much, that they really do better with validation and reflection. And so I’m wondering if, as a sexual pursuer, if there would be a vulnerability that would help the withdrawal. Just to say, for me, that was just wonderful. All of the sort of comments that don’t necessarily demand anything from the partner. And if the partner does say, yeah, it was really good. Oh, that’s so good to hear, that it was good, versus tell me how it was good, which I think as a pusher and a pursuer, I always want even more. But that pressures it. So I wonder if that would make it more relaxed.

George Faller [00:10:59]:

I like that. I’m coming up with the image, the sexual pursuer say it’s a man. In this case, maybe talking to his penis. Hey, buddy. Wasn’t that amazing? I feel so good. How do you feel, Buddy, having that conversation externally so you can still get the high from talking, but not having to put the pressure on your partner, the questions and inviting them. If they want to jump in and talk about what’s pretty great for them, they could join you. But I think you’re right. There’s something about being put on the spot and saying, hey, how was that for you? That immediately elicits that defense mechanism.

Laurie Watson [00:11:35]:

I love your example. It’s so playful. It’s so much fun. And we know so many men have relationships with their penises that are personified. So it’s so know. Wouldn’t it be great if a woman said, and Mrs. V. What’d you think?

George Faller [00:11:52]:

How about a little high five, buddy?

Laurie Watson [00:11:53]:

High five.

George Faller [00:11:56]:

You could have a whole again, this pursuer can still have the conversation without putting their partner on the spot. I think that’s a really good idea, Laurie, of not asking the questions and being able to, again, invite this partner’s engagement from a relaxed place, because it’s not asking for anything. It’s like an open door. If you want to come into this conversation and say anything, cool. But I’m having this conversation anyway because I like staying in this space.

Laurie Watson [00:12:23]:

For me, words add to the experience. They don’t take away, I think, for many withdrawals that switch, like you said, from body relaxation into words, it ruins or diminishes their pleasant, pleasurable, relaxed feelings in the body. They don’t integrate them as well.

George Faller [00:12:45]:

So maybe when we come back, we can play with it. We’ll role play doing it the wrong way, see what it feels like to kind of put pressure on.

Laurie Watson [00:12:53]:

Yeah.

George Faller [00:12:53]:

And then we’ll do it again in a more relaxed way and see if you all can feel the difference between the two.

Laurie Watson [00:13:00]:

Okay.

George Faller [00:13:03]:

Laurie, big shout out the Hello Fresh, america’s number one meal kit again. I’m a huge fan. Three meals a week, me and my wife eat hello. Fresh every single week. Good, healthy food. I can’t even tell you. I mean, I am a meat and potatoes guy. I never ate so many good vegetables in my life. I’m going to live longer because of Hello, Fresh.

Laurie Watson [00:13:28]:

Absolutely. And it’s so cheap, it’s stealing. They give us 60% off plus free shipping. And I love the salmon with the mushroom risotto. Oh, my gosh, that’s our favorite. I mean, all of those weekly recipes, you get 40 choices, and it’s so easy. It comes to you pre proportion. All you have to do is cook it up and enjoy it. I don’t have to meal plan, I don’t have to prep, I don’t have to shop. It just comes to my door. And it’s good food.

George Faller [00:13:55]:

That’s the main thing, that it’s good, it tastes good. It got me eating all these healthy meals. It’s doing something right, and it’s spices, and the stuff that they have is just I never thought I’d be such a big fan. I thought I’d try it a couple of times and go back. But I’m signed up for life with these people.

Laurie Watson [00:14:11]:

So go to HelloFresh.com fourPlace 60 and use the code fourplay 60 for 60% off plus free shipping. Go to HelloFresh.com fourplay 60 and use the code fourplay 60 for that 60% off plus free shipping.

George Faller [00:14:28]:

I take athletic greens, AG One every day for the last month, Lori, right before my workout. And I tell you, it gives you a burst of energy. I feel good.

Laurie Watson [00:14:38]:

I’m so proud of you. To your shake. This is great. I’ve heard about AG. One from Hooverman. Another podcaster. He’s the top podcaster of all time, really. He’s top of the field, and anything he recommends, I kind of trust. And I’ve been drinking it. I’ve been trying to get my green shake in in the morning. I just add in AG One, kind of as a boost for digestion, for my hair, for my sleep, to give me more nutrition so if you want to take ownership of your health like George and I are trying to do, today is a good time to start. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one year supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs.

George Faller [00:15:17]:

With your first purchase, try AG One. It’s an amazing nutritional drink and a great way of supporting your immune system.

Laurie Watson [00:15:25]:

Go to athleticgreens.com foreplay. Don’t forget us. That’s athleticgreens.com foreplay. Check it out, y’all, DocDoc. It’s a new app. There’s no more Dr. Roulette. You can find what you’re looking for without any burden. You just go onto the app. You’ll find a doctor that you need with the specialty that you need. Also, you can find out if they even take your insurance. It’s so great. You find out if it’s close to you. How close is the doctor that is going to meet your needs? ZocDoc will tell you.

George Faller [00:15:57]:

ZocDoc is the only free app that lets you find and book doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them. And treat almost every condition under the sun.

Laurie Watson [00:16:09]:

Right. When you’re not feeling your best, it’s hard to want to do that search. And this makes it so easy. Go to ZocDoc.com foreplay and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. Don’t just trust podcasts for medical advice. Choose from thousands of patient reviewed doctors and specialists. Get the care that you need. That’s ZocDoc.com foreplay. Don’t forget us. ZocDoc.com Foreplay.

George Faller [00:16:47]:

All right, let’s take these concepts around, pursuers, push in, and more relaxed, mature. Let’s see if we can play with it a bit. Laurie, what do you think?

Laurie Watson [00:16:57]:

Okay, let’s do it. Let’s figure out. First, we’re going to role play the bad way.

George Faller [00:17:02]:

Yeah.

Laurie Watson [00:17:03]:

Okay.

George Faller [00:17:03]:

Not the bad way, the normal way. Most people miss each other for good reasons.

Laurie Watson [00:17:07]:

Yeah.

George Faller [00:17:08]:

So who do you want to be?

Laurie Watson [00:17:12]:

I could be the sexual pursuer.

George Faller [00:17:14]:

Okay.

Laurie Watson [00:17:16]:

Pushing.

George Faller [00:17:18]:

All right. So again, let’s just get into our mindsets. I’m a sexual withdrawal.

Laurie Watson [00:17:23]:

Okay.

George Faller [00:17:24]:

As a male. So that might be for good reasons. I’ve had some ed issues. I’ve had some struggles. So sex for me is loaded. It’s like a minefield. Every time we’re done with sex, I always feel so connected. I say, well, I wish we would do this more. Right. But it’s like there’s a big history of pressure on this for me.

Laurie Watson [00:17:47]:

Yeah. Okay. So let’s see. I would say something like, so man, that was so good. That was so great. I loved it. I love being with you. Thank you so much. I was wondering when you came. It’s like you didn’t really make any noise or say anything, and I could tell, obviously, that you were coming, but I’m just wondering what happens inside you when you come. You don’t say anything. Do you not kind of feel like crying out loud or moaning or something.

George Faller [00:18:27]:

Do you really want to talk about this now?

Laurie Watson [00:18:37]:

You don’t want to talk about it, I guess.

George Faller [00:18:40]:

No. Can we just lay here and just like I agree. It was great. Let’s just leave it there. Just feel in a good spot.

Laurie Watson [00:18:50]:

For me words and that sound is so exciting to me. And I’m wondering, are you kind of holding it in? Do you not feel free with me to let it out?

George Faller [00:19:02]:

You can’t really help yourself, can you? I mean, you just can’t let it go once you want to talk about something.

Laurie Watson [00:19:10]:

I’m sorry, I don’t mean to push you. I was just excited about it.

George Faller [00:19:14]:

Pushing me.

Laurie Watson [00:19:16]:

Okay. I kind of just want to understand you, honey, like what goes on inside.

George Faller [00:19:22]:

You and how we can make better making sounds. Is it okay to not want to make sounds?

Laurie Watson [00:19:32]:

I guess, but I make sounds and you seem to like that.

George Faller [00:19:38]:

I really got to wake up early tomorrow, but thank you. It was a good night.

Laurie Watson [00:19:43]:

Okay. Now I just feel like separate from you. And disconnected bomb and he’s asleep. Oh, man.

George Faller [00:20:02]:

Oh, boy, doesn’t that suck? It sucks for both of us how this ends. Lori’s going to be up for a couple of hours frustrated and thinking, mind racing on all these different scenarios. And even though I can fall asleep, it’s still falling asleep with another message of pressure on my shoulders and another message, I did something wrong.

Laurie Watson [00:20:23]:

Yeah. And for her, the feeling of he won’t go further with her. She’s all revved up and all excited about it and potentially very curious about what’s happening in his mind. But as she goes ahead and asks, I could feel it just the pressure mounting. The more resistance, the pressure mounting. It’s like I had to struggle past his resistance to pressure even further because I had a goal, like I was wanting something from him. I want to understand him. And I think there really is a good intent inside the pursuer when they’re bringing this up. But you can just see the impact, land and land and land and push their partner further away.

George Faller [00:21:10]:

It’s a good exercise for pursuers to notice that shift from this positive longing of wanting something good to this anxiety of kind of being shut out because that’s a very different energy and most pursuers are not even aware of that themselves. Right. They just keep on going. But to be able to notice that anxiety, I think it’s really important to honor that because a lot of pursuers don’t recognize they’re unloading anxiety to someone who’s an expert at picking that up and expert at wanting to block it. So this whole communication happening underneath the surface energetically between both people that neither one of them are really naming.

Laurie Watson [00:21:50]:

Right. I like the thought of naming it, catching ourselves in the midst of this same dynamic and then maybe untangling it from that aspect. Is that how we do this. So when we do it, I think yeah.

George Faller [00:22:03]:

We could have two versions maybe of this going well. The one would be not even hitting the anxiety.

Laurie Watson [00:22:10]:

Okay.

George Faller [00:22:10]:

Right. That would be the playful, inviting, no questions, just you kind of doing you and seeing if I want to come in.

Laurie Watson [00:22:17]:

Okay.

George Faller [00:22:17]:

But we’re not always going to get this right. And sometimes in the pursuer’s attempt to share and be playful, they might ask a question that sets this thing off, and how would a couple catch it and repair it? I guess those are two different versions, maybe.

Laurie Watson [00:22:30]:

Okay, so one is the non threatening sort of free association to the moment.

George Faller [00:22:37]:

Yeah.

Laurie Watson [00:22:38]:

And if the withjara wants to come in, good. And if he doesn’t, let’s see that one. That’s okay. Okay, let’s do that one. Oh, my gosh. That was like an eleven on my scale of one to ten. That was so good. I loved it. Honey, just when you’re on top of me, it’s like that weight. It makes me feel so safe and so contained. And ironically, then you’re inside me too. I can’t even describe it to you. What it’s like? It’s like you’re around me and inside me, and it just is amazing to me the way it makes me feel so a part of you. I love it.

George Faller [00:23:24]:

It is pretty cool.

Laurie Watson [00:23:26]:

Yeah, I know. It is so cool. Sometimes I wish you could be a woman for 5 seconds just to feel that. I’m sure it’s really different on your side, what it feels like to be on top and inside, but for me, it’s this both and experience. And your body is so warm, and I love the hair on your body and just the motion, the friction, like, not just inside me, but on top of me. All of it is so good.

George Faller [00:23:55]:

It’s funny, I never thought about what it would be like to be a woman.

Laurie Watson [00:24:00]:

And I’m glad for that, honey.

George Faller [00:24:04]:

It must be a bit different. I just never thought of that. That’s kind of interesting.

Laurie Watson [00:24:08]:

Yeah, it is. Sometimes it’s like, wouldn’t it be cool to just be inside each other’s brains for 5 seconds or five minutes when we’re having sex and to feel it? I often try to picture what it’s like to be a man, to be inside and what that must feel like. And I would like that. Okay.

George Faller [00:24:31]:

All right. Again, you see how different that felt for me? It was like I was feeding off your energy. It was just interesting. There was nothing being asked of me. And there’s something contagious about your energy that’s like it pulls me in when it’s not asking anything of me. I felt like I could stay in that relaxed state and join in if I wanted to or not. Right. There was no pressure. And I think that really felt different than the first time.

Laurie Watson [00:24:59]:

Yeah. And I think your voice was warm and kind of going along with it. You were engaged in the conversation. Even though you weren’t asking me any questions or adding all that much, there was still I felt the presence of this man, that he was with me in it, and he was entertained by my noodling, and it felt good. I think that is a smart technique if you’re a pursuer. Just reassociating to all the joy that you felt, all the different little thoughts that you had and not asking any questions.

George Faller [00:25:37]:

Here comes the hard one.

Laurie Watson [00:25:38]:

Okay, let’s do it.

George Faller [00:25:40]:

This is going to be the repair.

Laurie Watson [00:25:42]:

Okay. Mess it up.

George Faller [00:25:43]:

And then repair sue is going to introduce good vibe. I’m not going to engage because there’s a question. It’s going to increase some anxiety for the pursuer. And what the heck do we both do with that? When she has anxiety and I have pressure? We’re going to have to figure out how to protect each other from that.

Laurie Watson [00:26:02]:

Okay, so I’m going to go again. I’m going to just go back to the first one. Honey, that was so great. I love being with you. I don’t know, it’s a highlight of my day, for sure. But this time was so good. I felt good about us being together. When you were inside me and you came, I was thinking, like, what is he thinking about? What is it? Like he doesn’t really say much and I don’t know, is there a part of you that kind of wants to cry out and like I do and I don’t know, moan or something? What happens inside you? Why are you maybe more quiet?

George Faller [00:26:44]:

I don’t really think about much, Lori. I just try to turn my brain off.

Laurie Watson [00:26:51]:

Yeah, I can appreciate that, that you’re probably in your senses, and I want you to be in your senses, but for me, it’s just such a turn on to kind of not only know your body, but to know your erotic mind.

George Faller [00:27:07]:

Do we really want to analyze this now?

Laurie Watson [00:27:12]:

Okay, so you don’t want to talk about this.

George Faller [00:27:17]:

I just want to relax here, just kind of lay here in this. Remember, you talked about the afterglow. We just want to lay in the afterglow.

Laurie Watson [00:27:24]:

I know, and I do too. But I guess for me, some of what’s exciting in the afterglow is to talk about it, and then I learn more about you. And I want it to be good for you.

George Faller [00:27:40]:

It’s good when we don’t talk about it.

Laurie Watson [00:27:44]:

Okay, now I feel like I’ve stepped on your toes, and suddenly for me, this sense of connection is dissipating and okay. I don’t want you to have to go away. Obviously, there’s something happening inside me. I can even feel the pressure that I’m pushing to get more from you, and it’s pushing you away. I don’t want to do that to you, and I don’t want to feel rejected. And I know most of the time you’re not trying to reject me. You’re just trying to protect yourself from what feels like pressure. So how do we do this, honey?

George Faller [00:28:22]:

Well, again, I know you’re coming from a good place, and it’s okay that you want to talk about it. I’m glad to hear it was great, and I’m glad you can see that sometimes the timing isn’t so great for me to want to talk about it because it introduces that pressure. So I’m not trying to not talk to you or shut you down. I just want to stay in this relaxed place. So I don’t know, how can I.

Laurie Watson [00:28:49]:

So you want to be relaxed, and your body’s already relaxed, and this talking doesn’t feel as good.

George Faller [00:28:57]:

I’m hearing that maybe we could, I don’t know, after we take a shower or something, talk about it. Like, just want to have this kind of time of I don’t know how to not feel pressured in these conversations. But I know we need to figure that out. I mean, there has to be a better time to talk about these, because to never talk about it’s not fair to you either, and I want to learn how to talk about it, too. So, again, I’m sorry I so quickly feel this kind of pressure, but it’s just like every part of me just wants to stay relaxed, and sometimes the questions just kind of take me out of that zone.

Laurie Watson [00:29:38]:

Yeah. Okay. I so appreciate you thinking about my need to keep talking and my enjoyment of that and offering that maybe there’s just a better time that makes me not feel as separate from you. So I like that. Thank you.

George Faller [00:29:54]:

All right, so again, it don’t have to be perfect. It’s just an attempt to see each other. I felt better. You felt a little bit better. Instead of that negative cycle. Remember, the difference between the best and the worst couples is that ability to repair. It’s the ability to still see the other person’s perspective and try to protect them while you’re also trying to stand up for yourself and protect yourself. You can hold the bridge between both realities instead of just getting caught up in a tunnel vision of your own.

Laurie Watson [00:30:23]:

Yeah, exactly. And I think in this last conversation, what I would say is there’s a little bit of feelings about that even as we repair. It wasn’t as lovely as just the example before where we stayed connected, but it feels better than that terrible, shut off place of now. We’re in total disconnect. It’s like it’s not perfect. I still feel a little upset, but he’s offered to talk to me later, and he’s been gentle, and he’s stayed with me, and he’s thought about my perspective. So that’s good.

George Faller [00:31:02]:

We’re striving for good enough people, not perfection here.

Laurie Watson [00:31:06]:

Okay. Thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:31:08]:

Keep it hot, y’all.

Joe Davis – Announcer [00:31:10]:

Call in your questions to the foreplay question voicemail dial eight three three my foreplay. That’s eight, three three my the number. Four play, and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.

Speaker Ads [00:31:35]:

Hey, guys. I’m Natalie Pouche, and I’m the host of your new favorite podcast, humble and Hungry. It’s time to grab your cheese board and your favorite bottle of wine, because we’re having a girls night, and we’re about to embark on a whole new journey as we juggle motherhood and blindfully navigating through our 30s. We’re talking life, drama, dating, and everything in between. I recommend listening to Humble and Hungry on the Iheart app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.