Joe Davis – Announcer [00:00:00]:

The following content is not suitable for children.

George Faller [00:00:02]:

Who of our listeners wants a full body orgasm?

Laurie Watson [00:00:06]:

I think they should have one.

George Faller [00:00:08]:

You got everyone curious what the heck’s going on here. They call you the Full Body Orgasm Whisperer now, I guess.

Laurie Watson [00:00:14]:

Yeah. I didn’t see that coming. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:00:23]:

And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:00:25]:

We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:00:27]:

Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind and their hearts.

Laurie Watson [00:00:35]:

And we have a little bit of fun doing it.

George Faller [00:00:37]:

Right g listen and let’s change some relationships. Well, what’s happening? Tell us. First of all, you got a bunch of articles out there and interviews that you’re going viral here.

Laurie Watson [00:00:50]:

It is a little crazy. There was this woman, she was in the Philharmonic orchestra or listening in the audience and she had this ecstatic kind of experience where she cries out know women can have orgasms, George, without being touched.

George Faller [00:01:10]:

Again, I’ve heard that. It’s hard for my brain to understand why you’re going to educate us today.

Laurie Watson [00:01:17]:

Just thinking about it and having kind of this is a sensation experience, right. She’s so moved by the music. She has this utterance and I don’t think she’s been interviewed, so we don’t really know what her experience was. But a bunch of people were journalists were reaching out, trying to figure out what this was and they were calling it a full body orgasm. And so a couple of them contacted me and said, can you explain what this is.

George Faller [00:01:47]:

Please explain it to us. You listen to this.

Laurie Watson [00:01:50]:

Okay, so a full bodied orgasm, usually when we have an orgasm, it’s very genitally focused. So you feel it kind of like a spasm in your genitals. But probably a full bodied orgasm is something where it moves from your genitals all through your body, can kind of come all the way through your body out to your know, up through your head.

George Faller [00:02:16]:

I want my earlobes to spasm. Can we make that happen?

Laurie Watson [00:02:20]:

So do your earlobes spasm? We want to know too. George, do you have full bodied orgasm?

George Faller [00:02:25]:

I don’t think I have a full body orgasm, so I’m trying to figure out I’m hoping to learn how to have one on this podcast.

Laurie Watson [00:02:32]:

Okay, we need to teach you.

George Faller [00:02:34]:

Yes, we do. I mean, orgasm is pretty good as it is, so if it only can get better, I hope everyone listen has got their notepads out here.

Laurie Watson [00:02:44]:

Exactly. So as they interviewed me, I referred them to our episode on orgasms and I said basically what I’m describing on that episode is a full bodied orgasm. And of course, they took quotes from the episode and suddenly other people are calling me like, describe your orgasm. I’m like, okay, I’m a researcher. I’m a sex therapist. I’ve been working for 30 years in this field and I guess what I’m going to be known for is my own orgasm. I don’t know.

George Faller [00:03:15]:

That’s because you are brave enough to talk about it and share it.

Laurie Watson [00:03:18]:

Exactly. Thank you.

George Faller [00:03:20]:

So again, help us understand, it seems to me just like an intense orgasm. How would people differentiate between a regular orgasm and a full body orgasm?

Laurie Watson [00:03:34]:

So a regular orgasm, like I said, it’s sort of like kind of from your lower belly maybe to your upper thighs. That’s kind of where you feel it in your genitals and wonderful and gosh what we don’t want to do is pressure people to feel something else. But one of the things that I’ve been excited about and thinking about is how can I teach mostly women how to do this? I’m not exactly sure how to teach men, although I have a few ideas, especially no, I’m going to teach you. I’m going to teach you. All right, good. I think that especially women in menopause, they can have a reduction of orgasm. But we know that women in menopause have a reduction of hormones. But orgasm is really about nerve conduction. So I think if I can teach them how to do this, they can sort of have something bigger. Because I would and this is personal information, but I would say that my orgasms are by magnitude more powerful as I’ve gotten older. And I think it’s partly what I’ve learned how to do during an orgasm. And I would also say the reporters ask me, can you do this by yourself? And sort of it’s the politically correct answer in the sex therapy world to say, of course, orgasm is just as great as partnered sex. But for me personally, not even close. I mean, not even close. It’s like I do have something wonderful with masturbation and sometimes it can approach this, but I have personally never had this except with my partner. And I would say I have them most of the time.

George Faller [00:05:21]:

But I think what you do little bragging now, Laurie?

Laurie Watson [00:05:27]:

Some of it is I don’t know that it’s absolutely elective, but I’ve been really analyzing what happens for me and what I do and I think that there’s a letting go. There’s really and truly this surrender. I mean, obviously I feel very safe with my partner emotionally. And I think that if you don’t feel safe with a partner, I just personally imagine that it would be harder to let go like that and oh my God, George. In the article they’re talking about, she feels the inner anus. I’m like, oh, great, my anus is all over the news.

George Faller [00:06:04]:

Well, we got to get specific.

Laurie Watson [00:06:06]:

Yeah. So I think it’s like as I approach orgasm, there is this opening. So I relax my pelvic floor completely and it does move almost in this circle or this loop that it goes starts kind of at the root of the clitoris and moves through the anus. And then it kind of comes up my back and my belly. And that’s the other thing, is I can relax my belly. And you just think about women who are so anxious they’re holding in their stomachs. It’s like, how do you have an orgasm when you’re holding in your stomach? I don’t know. And then it kind of moves like a balloon up through my chest. And then literally, it comes up through my head. And I mean, my head, without sort of control, just shakes back and forth and I feel it, like, all the way through my shoulders and arms. I think I said this on our episode, but I didn’t quite get as explicit. But I can’t stop crying out. I mean, it would have to come out because it’s almost like this thing just moves through my whole body and my whole body is involved in it. And it feels really wonderful everywhere. I mean, certainly it feels wonderful genitally, but it also feels, like, amazing through my especially my upper torso.

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George Faller [00:08:07]:

Well, I’m trying to think about most of the time, if I think about a woman orgasm, there is a clenching of the whole body that happens. You’re gripping sheets, you’re kind of arms a spasm. And that’s what you’re calling a full body orgasm.

Laurie Watson [00:08:26]:

Yeah, I think that would be something like it. Right? I mean, when she’s gripping the sheets, she’s feeling tension through her arms and legs. And legs too. I would say I didn’t really include that, but legs kind of shake too.

George Faller [00:08:47]:

But other women will experience just a general orgasm. It won’t kind of radiate to the rest of the body.

Laurie Watson [00:08:53]:

Yeah, I think most people experience it just in their genitals. They don’t have it move through their torso, up to the top of their head or through their legs. So you describe yours. You said, I don’t have this. So, what’s different from what I described to what you feel?

George Faller [00:09:12]:

I don’t think it sounds that different.

Laurie Watson [00:09:14]:

Okay, maybe you have full bodied orgasms.

George Faller [00:09:18]:

Maybe I just didn’t know I was having them.

Laurie Watson [00:09:20]:

Maybe you just didn’t describe it that way.

George Faller [00:09:22]:

I’m always looking for something else. So what the hell. Let’s see what I don’t think my earlobes spasm. So that’s what I’m shooting for here. We can talk about men in a little while, but I’m not sure you’re saying either male or female. However they identify, if you’re just specifically focused on the genitals and that’s where this spasm in happens and nowhere else in your body, that’s typical. That’s what most people experience.

Laurie Watson [00:09:58]:

I think that’s what most people experience. And because I have subjectively different orgasms, I kind of know the difference in my body. I can tell. I mean, there’s a range of power in an orgasm for me. And I mean, occasionally, even with my partner, it’s kind of a blip, which is just fine, thank you very much. I still want to have sex just for that blip. But I would say most of the time it’s very powerful, and most of the time it includes sort of intercourse and stimulation all at the same time. And I think that one thing I’ve wondered about is is an orgasm around an object, whether it’s maybe a dildo or a penis? Does that partly the spasm of that feel so different to my body that it radiates? Because obviously, masturbation, most women with masturbation do not use dildos or internal vibrators. It’s always a clitoral vibrator.

George Faller [00:11:06]:

You mentioned a lot about the prostate and the anus and all these different pelvis floor. A lot of people think about the clitoris. So you’re kind of introducing kind of deeper elements structurally. So is that part of this kind of full body that you need to incorporate?

Laurie Watson [00:11:29]:

Okay, so that’s a really good question and something for us to wonder about, because with intercourse, obviously the underside of the clitoris is being stimulated as well as the outside of the clitoris, the tip of the clitoris. So both part, like the entire structure of the clitoris is having stimulation. Men, what you’re talking about with the prostate gland? So I read an article, and I’ve been trying to think about how do we help men? And one thing is prostate stimulation with maybe intercourse or oral sex or manual stimulation or something is supposed to be a kind of blow your mind experience because the prostate gland is really deep inside their rectum. So I’m wondering if that gets stimulated, maybe with fingers. If you’re heterosexual and then he’s being stimulated, I think it’d be very hard to have intercourse and stimulate a man’s prostate gland. That just positioning would probably not work. But if you were doing manual stimulation, oral sex, stimulating his prostate, would he have this deeper faller experience that he could kind of open up somehow and let it move through his body? Got any opinion about that, Chi?

George Faller [00:12:56]:

I have no idea. I have no idea. I take the fifth on that one.

Laurie Watson [00:13:09]:

Oh, my goodness. Well, something for you to try and get back to us on to observe.

George Faller [00:13:17]:

When you’re stimulating a G spot yes.

Laurie Watson [00:13:20]:

Which is the underside of the clitoris.

George Faller [00:13:22]:

What is that?

Laurie Watson [00:13:23]:

So remember, the clitoris is actually a structure that we see a little bit of it on top, but it’s like a horseshoe structure where we see the legs and the bulbs are underneath the pelvis. Right. We can’t see those, but when we’re aroused, they get engorged with blood. And so that engorgement also has nerve endings associated with it. The G spot is kind of the nexus of all of these nerves.

George Faller [00:13:59]:

Would that be similar to guys stimulating the prostate? Is that the guy’s G spot?

Laurie Watson [00:14:06]:

Not really. Like, the guy’s G spot is markedly more erotic and has accessible nerve endings. More than the woman’s G spot?

George Faller [00:14:19]:

The guy has a G spot?

Laurie Watson [00:14:22]:

No. Did I say it wrong? The guy’s prostate gland right. Is accessible and has more erotic nerve endings that are direct compared to the nerve endings that are stimulated on a woman’s G spot. So, no, I would think that the guy’s prostate gland would be more powerful by a long shot than stimulating a woman’s G spot.

George Faller [00:14:53]:

Wow.

Laurie Watson [00:14:54]:

Yeah, he’s silent again.

George Faller [00:15:01]:

We have lots of different people with different styles listening. We’re just opening up space to get people to be curious and kind of talk about things. Everything has to align with their values and what you’re comfortable with. We’re just talking about the physiology here. Right. So if you’re a lot of guys thinking about their prostate being stimulated might be like, whoa, what’s going on here?

Laurie Watson [00:15:23]:

Yeah. Okay, let’s come back and talk about that. Uber lube. It’s a luxury lubricant. Can you say that three times fast? Uber lube. Luxury lubricant. Basically, it’s pure silicone bliss. It is made from superior ingredients. It has skin soothing vitamin E, and it goes on just like natural moisture, and it lasts a long time. There’s no drip. Their glass bottles are truly beautiful. You can leave them on your bedstand. I do no problem. Nobody notices. And it’s basically like this thin, slippery silicone formulation. It reduces friction, which is great, but it doesn’t reduce sensation, and it stays slippery long enough for lasting pleasure. They have travel friendly, toughened glass bottles. You can slip it in your gym bag. You can slip it in your purse. You can be ready whenever. Try Uber lube, the silicone [email protected]. Use the code foreplay for 10% off. Really? It is the best lubricant on the market. We are doing a couple’s retreat on September eigth, so please keep that in mind in your schedule for your fall schedule. We want to give you a heads up. We’re only doing one this year because our training schedule is getting crazy. But we would love to invite you to our couples retreat on September Eigth. It’s by Zoom, and you can find it on our website. Fourplacextherapy.com.

George Faller [00:16:52]:

Nice. And we just completed Training therapists. Two days. Right on. Sex. Had over 100 therapists. How much fun was that, Laurie, to just kind of, again, get all these questions? We don’t have all the answers, but we’re just again, that excitement is just trying to help us all get clear and clear and start leaning in this direction because it’s such a great need to help couples talk about their sex lives.

Laurie Watson [00:17:13]:

It was really fun, and we’re excited to do it again for our couples. We always have fun with people who are wanting to work on their sex life and come to us, they’re always anxious, what is it going to look like? And I’m glad to email you a little bit about that talk with you so you can get comfy and who.

George Faller [00:17:31]:

Don’T want to be comfy, right?

Laurie Watson [00:17:37]:

Let’s come right back here, g and talk about the prostate gland being stimulated and what that means and is there a value associated with that. So for me, I’m a sex therapist. I’m concerned about physiology and anatomy and physiology and that’s all I care about. When you’re trying to help a partner feel as good as they can feel, you want to do anything possible to help them. I think obviously gay men access the prostate gland in a number of ways and take advantage of that. And that’s why anal sex can feel so good. But it has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation. Nothing. It has to do with nerves. They’re just taking advantage of what their bodies can do. And why a straight man would not try this is if I had a prostate gland, I would want to try that. Dang it. You know, because like, what if it gave you this amazing feeling? It it doesn’t have to do with I i will tell you though, I have a guy friend and he’s funny as heck and I don’t know how we talked about that and he’s like, there’s nothing going in there. That is a place that things come out of.

George Faller [00:18:57]:

A lot of men are going to have that mindset.

Laurie Watson [00:19:02]:

George, you know that the anus itself for both men and women has nerve endings too. And we have psychological barriers to that because we’ve been told as know that’s dirty, don’t touch there, don’t touch. So in our unconscious we imagine that as dirty. But you can be clean and that can be okay. And it can also feel good, but it’s really different. I mean, still good, but nothing compared to prostate.

George Faller [00:19:30]:

Well, again, you’re very open and into exploring and that’s why you can get so specific and why you’re such a good teacher. But if you’re a listener and you’re not comfortable with that and you don’t want to challenge that, I could think guys in my firehouse sitting here saying, what the hell is going on here? We’re talking about putting things up your ADUs if you’re okay not doing that. Listen, I think that’s cool too.

Laurie Watson [00:19:55]:

Okay? So let’s talk about maybe another way to help men that would exclude that if they’re really squeamish or freaked out about that. Okay, it’s beyond me to be freaked out about that. But one of the things that I know is that it’s really about edging. So coming close to orgasm and stopping yourself, what that does is it kind of builds in your pelvis, this tension. If you start and stop getting close, stopping like just hovering on the edge. For women too. I mean, this is one way to do it. Is hovering on the edge of orgasm the brink of orgasm for women. What it does is it builds a good vasocongestion platform so their tissue, their vulva, their clitoris, the legs and bulbs of the clitoris underneath that we’re not seeing, they’re all sort of getting pumped up with more blood, like a good erection. Women essentially have erectile tissue, too. And so the more blood, the fuller it is. I think what it does is it probably makes all the nerves that are nearby that maybe if you’re slightly not as full, don’t quite get as accessed. So I would think with a man, too, if you can kind of keep him on the edge and then let him go over the edge, I would expect that that would be a bigger orgasm. And that’s what they do in tantric.

George Faller [00:21:33]:

Sex, being able to control your orgasm.

Laurie Watson [00:21:36]:

Yeah, in tantric sex, they essentially use breath to, first of all, be very present, be very into the experience. And I think that’s another thing with a full bodied orgasm is my mind is gone. I am no longer self conscious. I’m not inhibited. I have entered the moment and I’m present and very present to what’s happening, almost lost in it. And I think if you could get a man to be so excited, so aroused that he’s kind of just desperate for orgasm and not thinking about anything else and I know men have, in general, better focus than women. And probably when they’re having sex, they’re kind of not thinking anything but having an orgasm anyway, whereas women were so distractable. It’s harder for us. But I would think that that building stopping and then the release. And then I think, as a man, too, you kind of have to let go. I mean, certainly there’s kind of a spontaneous clenching and letting go all at the same time. For women, one thing to try is kind of have her squeeze maybe your penis or your fingers with her vaginal walls, with her kegel muscles and then stimulate her and have her relax. And as a woman, I can just tell you that it’s a markedly different experience, both of those. And I wonder, for a man, too, as he’s being stimulated, does he kind of involuntarily kind of squeeze his anus and his kegel muscles because it’s so exciting? And then what happens when he consciously lets go and continues to be stimulated? Is that different?

George Faller [00:23:37]:

Giving us a lot to think about.

Laurie Watson [00:23:38]:

Laurie george is nodding like he’s got his eyes up.

George Faller [00:23:42]:

I have no idea what my kegel muscles are. Know you’re inviting us all to think and feel more and see what’s going on down there.

Laurie Watson [00:23:53]:

Yeah. And I want to say one more thing that is emotional and psychological. So I’m just interested in anything that I can learn about sex. And I was in yoga the other day, and this woman was talking about just kind of a move we were doing and how we were sitting. And she’s like, your emotions are held in your lower body, your buttocks and your pelvis. And I’m like, that’s an interesting thought. I don’t know if I believe that absolutely. But I could see where she was going and she was talking about all this stuff, chakras and all this. But it was still an interesting concept that in ancient worlds, people have been thinking about the emotional seat of the body. And you and I as EFT therapists, many people tell us where they feel emotions. Sometimes their stomach, sometimes their chest. But when I was thinking about this, especially having to do with anxiety, sexual trauma, problematic things like I deal with women with pain problems and much of it is rooted in anxiety. It’s like they hold tension in their pelvis. Women often have TMJ, which is the clenching of the jaw, and they often have a corollary to vestibulitis, which is like or dysperunia, which is tension in their vagina, tension in their vulva, and so they can’t relax and so there’s constriction to their orgasms. Same thing with men. Some men hold tension in their pelvic floor. And pelvic floor therapists actually work on these points of tension and they can release these, like, knots in a man’s pelvis and a they can correct Ed George and they can help them.

George Faller [00:25:53]:

I have to be honest, I don’t even know what the hell the pelvic floor is.

Laurie Watson [00:25:57]:

Okay? Do you know, like, if you were going to the bathroom and you didn’t want to go and you’re like rushing to get in the house and you squeeze to stop urine from coming out, that’s your kegel muscle. So that squeeze sometimes involuntarily is squeezed when people hold tension in their pelvic floor.

George Faller [00:26:21]:

Where’s your pelvic floor so your pelvic.

Laurie Watson [00:26:24]:

Floor is kind of the muscles that support your genitals, okay? The muscles in your anus, the muscles that support your kegels, those are all held. And in a woman, I mean, our pelvic floor, right, it supports our vagina. There’s this cradle of muscles called the levita ANI. It’s just like a little cradle. And those can contract and be relaxed. And sometimes women with pelvic floor issues, they’re unconsciously contracting all these muscles.

George Faller [00:27:05]:

Interesting.

Laurie Watson [00:27:06]:

And their body gets used to being contracted and so they’re squeezing their anus and all of those muscles get like, overworked. And then their pelvis is what we call too much tonic. It’s too tight. And other women like childbirth and all sorts of things happen and it’s too loose. And consciously we can learn to have sort of just the right tension anyway.

George Faller [00:27:32]:

Because I don’t think most men I know know nothing about a pelvic floor. And I would think that most if you don’t know anything about it, most pelvic floors would be probably pretty weak, not used so often.

Laurie Watson [00:27:47]:

Well, I mean, I think most of us have healthy pelvic floors without consciousness, but that we can get into problems with it. And one of the problems is an emotional issue where, I mean, you know, people who are emotional, who are just we call them uptight, right? They got to stick up there. And literally they do because that’s where they hold their tension. And if you’re holding your tension there because of anxiety, or maybe think about the woman who’s with an angry partner. Can she really relax into that moment and let go and have this full orgasm? I just kind of doubt that as a woman, we’re with people, men generally, who are bigger than us, stronger than us. And if you’re not certain that your partner is not going to lose their temper at any moment, like just living with somebody who loses their temper, your body is going to react to that. You’re going to hold tension.

George Faller [00:28:52]:

What I’m taking out of this is trying to make it more explicit. Are you holding tension in your pelvic floor? Can you relax it? If you’re relaxed, can you decide to tense it up? Like people that have more control over that are going to have better orgasms, right? Or if you have no idea what’s going on, then it’s harder to change that up because you’re going to do whatever you’re doing. Some people are tense too much. Some people are not tense enough, but they don’t have a lot of choice. And what you’re saying is you can develop that choice. That’s what you’re doing with your orgasms. You’re developing a lot more choice with kind of what you’re doing.

Laurie Watson [00:29:29]:

Right? And I don’t think that I think absolutely to myself when I’m having an orgasm. Okay, let go. Let your pelvic floor go. I mean, once your brain knows how to do it, it’s unconscious. It’s like learning to ride a bike, right? You don’t think every time, this is how I balance, this is how I pedal. It’s like your brain forms a pathway. So once you learn how to do this, you can do it.

George Faller [00:29:56]:

And to do it, the edging that you’re talking about, you got to learn a little bit more control over kind of your pelvic floor. So that’s a homework assignment for our listeners.

Laurie Watson [00:30:07]:

Okay?

George Faller [00:30:07]:

I want to get my earlobes to twist. I got to figure out how to do some more of these kind of workouts. That’s what I’m going to add to my workout regimen.

Laurie Watson [00:30:15]:

Okay, so in four episodes, we’re going to ask George if his earlobes twitch. So y’all be listening because I’m going to ask him that.

George Faller [00:30:25]:

Well, I can feel one twitching already. I’m sitting here practicing. Woohoo.

Laurie Watson [00:30:30]:

Okay, buddy. Well, thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:30:34]:

Keep it twitching, baby.

Joe Davis – Announcer [00:30:36]:

Call in your questions to the foreplay question voicemail dial eight three three my. Foreplay. That’s eight, three three my the number four play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.

Speaker Ads [00:30:59]:

Hi, I’m Sarah May, and I’m the host of your new favorite show, help Me, Be Me. It’s a self help podcast for people who hate self help. Help Me, Be Me is full of practical tools to help you overcome a variety of emotional challenges. Deliver it in a way that’s caring but frank. So if that sounds up your alley, I would invite you to check out Help Me, Be Me on the Iheart app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks.