Joe Davis – Announcer [00:00:00]:

The following content is not suitable for children.

George Faller [00:00:02]:

Four reasons why anxiety squashes the love making.

Laurie Watson [00:00:11]:

George, I love it that you say things so funny with different voices and stuff. Yes. Let’s talk about why we should stop using our anxiety to drive sex, because it kills it. Let’s talk about it. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.

George Faller [00:00:33]:

And I’m George Faller, your couple’s therapist.

Laurie Watson [00:00:36]:

We are here to talk about sex.

George Faller [00:00:38]:

Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts, and.

Laurie Watson [00:00:46]:

We have a little bit of fun doing it right.

George Faller [00:00:48]:

G. Listen and let’s change some relationships. So excited. Laurie, another in person training. Philadelphia unleashing the power of sex and EFT for therapists. October 4 and October 5. This is one of our favorite trainings to do. It’s such a need out there to empower therapists to keep their focus better in session and know how to help couples facilitate these bonding conversations through sex. Most of us don’t grow up in families talking about this stuff, so get some of the tools that you need. Have some fun. Engage with other therapists. It’s great to be back in person.

Laurie Watson [00:01:25]:

Oh, yes, it is so great to be in person. We had so much fun in our last in person training. I mean, people actually laugh at our jokes. And I got to say, some of what we’re doing I think it’s pretty cutting edge. We’re working on stage one and stage two. For those of you who are therapists and EFT, you’ll get what we’re talking about. But even if you’re not an EFT therapist, there’s a lot here that you can learn about how to talk with couples about sex and how to become more expert at it.

George Faller [00:01:53]:

And if you’re a listener and you do have a therapist and your therapist doesn’t know about EFT, tell them, you know what? I think you should check this training out. I guarantee they’ll come out of that training with some new tools, which is that’s what we’re in the business of, right? Creating change with new tools.

Laurie Watson [00:02:08]:

Yes. So come join us in October in Philadelphia.

George Faller [00:02:13]:

All right. Anxiety. I don’t think anybody wants to bring anxiety into the bedroom. Anxiety is a natural byproduct right of a threat, and your body’s mobilizing, and it wants to get a response. So it’s trying to do the right thing. But it has some serious impact, I think. And that’s what we want to talk.

Laurie Watson [00:02:33]:

You know, when I was thinking about this, George, I was thinking about how sexual pursuers their anxiety often is driving the sex life, that it’s not necessarily their desire, although they have plenty of that and they want their partners. There’s so many good things in sexual pursuers that motivate the relationship to be more sexual. But I also think sometimes anxiety is driving it, and we got to help them figure that out. After the break of how not to let this happen. But if I’m anxious about not getting enough sex or not having time with my partner to be sexual or something, and I start to stew on that and think about that, then what I’m sending the message to my partner isn’t very beckoning, it isn’t inviting, it isn’t come to me in a seductive message. It’s really an impersonal message. It’s like, hey, I need sex. I want you, I want to be with you, I want to make love to you. It gets across a different message, and I think that that’s the anxiety gets in the way of actually getting what I would want as a sexual pursuer.

George Faller [00:03:49]:

Right. I’m sure we’re going to get a lot of messages from sexual pursuers. So I just want to start off naming the mission. We’re just trying to make clear of the impact. Right. The intent of anxiety is always good. You’ve been hurt, you’ve been rejected. Your body is trying to get a response. It’s trying to do something beautiful. Right. But you got to also be aware of the impact, what it does to you, what it does to your partner, what it does to the relationship. So that’s really what we’re focusing on in this session. And I think that first point is it often comes across Laurie right. As selfish. The anxiety, it becomes all about me and I need sex and I want an orgasm. And my partner often feels that. It doesn’t feel like I want her. Right. It’s about what I want, my need. And it often kind of comes across as selfish.

Laurie Watson [00:04:38]:

Yeah. It’s not something that is a union. It’s not about us. It is. Exactly. And that’s what I hear from people who are sexual withdrawers, which, again, sometimes the sexual withdrawal is not a person who doesn’t like sex, but is responding to this pressure dynamic with their partner. They’re pulling back because they feel this impersonal message or they feel the selfishness from their partner. And it’s like, you’re not wanting to give to me, you’re not wanting to be with me. That’s what they’re thinking in their head. So they’re pulling back.

George Faller [00:05:16]:

And just to name that, I mean, that’s what anxiety does. It turns our brain yellow. It becomes all about us. We’re dealing with our own need and a threat to that need. We’re not great partners when our brain is yellow. We’re not empathetic. We don’t take on different perspectives. We get tunnel vision. That is the whole damn point of anxiety. Right. So, again, just to recognize you have good reasons for it, there’s a threat, but the impact is it becomes all about you and your world. That’s what anxiety is.

Laurie Watson [00:05:44]:

And every time you say that, George, it’s like my heart feels a little softer when you say anxiety turns your brain yellow. And we don’t think as well when we’re in yellow brain and we don’t have access to all the more generous parts of ourself. And it’s like that’s, right. Some of it is just that escalation. We’re not our optimal selves. We’re not the person we even want to be.

George Faller [00:06:06]:

Yeah. And people got to recognize this is not a choice. Right. That’s how important connection is that when we get rejected, our brain codes that as a threat, it’s like life and death. It’s like being chased by a lion when your partner rejects you. We develop this primitive response to a fear. Right. So we get tunnel vision. And I think the more people recognize that, it just gets easy to repair afterwards, to say, I’m sorry, I did it again. We all do this. It’s not about shaming people for their anxiety. It’s about empowering them to know they can’t be the partner they want to be when their brain is in this state.

Laurie Watson [00:06:46]:

Yeah. And if the threat is, look at I’ve promised myself to you only, and it’s kind of a drought or starvation or there’s just not enough to make me feel comfortable. Yeah. My body’s in threat, my mind’s in threat, and I got to solve this problem, and then I start I think what happens in the sexual pursuer when it changes from seduction to anxiety is they almost start to obsess about it, like, well, overthink. They overthink it. Yeah. And certainly I can do that. Overthinking is my tendency about everything.

George Faller [00:07:38]:

So you overthink it now about what to say next to us.

Laurie Watson [00:07:42]:

I’m overthinking. What was that look that George just gave me? What did that mean? Oh, my goodness. Okay. .2. Anxiety creates an atmosphere. It’s not relaxed. It’s not conducive to pleasure.

George Faller [00:07:59]:

It’s a big one. Right. It puts pressure on the other person. We know pressure is not a great turn on. The pressure is going to just be like a wet blanket. It’s just suffocating what’s happening. And certainly that’s the impact. Right. It starts the negative cycle into motion that anxiety tells the other person, uhoh, if you don’t do something, you’re going to hurt me, and it gets the other person to try to perform instead of just being engaged.

Laurie Watson [00:08:27]:

Yeah. And I think for female sexual pursuers, if you’re creating pressure right. I mean, men don’t respond very well physiologically to pressure. They might not get an erection, and that’s going to kill everything for him. I don’t think that necessarily not getting an erection technically kills the sexual moment, but I think it does in his brain. I talked to a guy, and you’ve helped me so much here, George. I really think, more than anything now, I assess for this. But he had occasional ed. He was healthy, it was normal. He got in his brain about it. He couldn’t get out of it. And I said, okay, if I gave you a pill that no matter what, every time you want an erection, you would get one, how often would you think about sex? He’s like, all the time, but in his world, he wasn’t thinking about it all the time because he was so hung up about this. And so she would approach, loved him, loved sex with him, thought he was attractive and really was not uptight about the occasional ed, but for him in his brain, forget it. So I think as a female sexual pursuer, if that pressure says to the guy, you got to perform, for me, it’s a killer. What is chronic migraine. It’s 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting 4 hours or more. Botox Anabachalinum Toxin Aid prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. It’s not approved for adults with migraine who have 14 or fewer headache days a month. Ask your doctor about Botox.

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Laurie Watson [00:10:46]:

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George Faller [00:11:22]:

It’s a killer for a lot of women, too. It’s the number one description of why they might have low desire is that just pressure to kind of perform and they’re not in a mood. It puts them in a terrible bind. But this anxiety is the start of this process, right? If it creates pressure, that pressure is counterproductive towards a great sex life.

Laurie Watson [00:11:48]:

And I think sometimes the anxiety says, I want something more intense. And women think, okay, you want me to perform like what you see in porn or what your last girlfriend did when she could turn 360 degrees when she had an orgasm or whatever. It’s like, yeah, that sounds pretty good, actually.

George Faller [00:12:12]:

360 dabs.

Laurie Watson [00:12:16]:

Yeah, stop.

George Faller [00:12:18]:

Well, that’s why laughter is trying to ease anxiety. Yeah, but this third one again, all of these reasons are so important. The third one is anxiety kills presence. I think most people don’t recognize that anxiety is actually anticipating what could happen. It’s a future focus as you’re focusing on what could happen, what could go wrong, and you’re trying to influence that. You’re actually not present. We know great lovers are present. It’s all about being engaged, and anxiety stops that engagement. I don’t think most people recognize that.

Laurie Watson [00:12:56]:

Lori right.

George Faller [00:12:57]:

And if you don’t recognize it, you can see why so many couples are sleepwalking through their relationship. They’re going through the motions. Right. It’s like driving a car or doing something that your body is so used to doing it that you’re not really present with it. And how sad that in this moment of deep intimacy, people wind up not being present with each other.

Laurie Watson [00:13:18]:

Yeah. You can’t feel anything if you’re not present in your body, if you’re worried, or if you’re thinking about the laundry list of things you got to do, or if you’re thinking, like, I’m not going to make my partner happy this time anyway. I mean, whatever those thoughts are, the anxious thoughts, or, yeah, we’re going to have sex tonight, but it might be the last time for two weeks. Any kind of thinking about the future or what might happen, or even the past, I wonder if it’s going to turn out the same way it did last time my partner got mad at me. We can’t be in our bodies. And so if we’re not in our bodies, making love is we can’t feel anything.

George Faller [00:14:06]:

So again, let’s just repeat that for our listeners. Anxiety kills presence. I think every partner, listen, has to really kind of hold on to that, because if you don’t think about it, it’s just going to do it. It’s going to suck you into worrying about the future, and it’s going to pull you right in this moment where presence is what’s going to lead to all the good stuff we want in a relationship.

Laurie Watson [00:14:30]:

Yeah, that’s so true. And I think the other thing is anxious sex. If we are anxious and saying, it’s been two weeks you haven’t been with me, and then our partner does give in and have sex with us, it’s a payback. It’s against all that they owe us. It’s like a drop in the bucket. I sometimes think about when the ship starts to change and when our partner becomes more responsive. We can count it. That way we can get, well, finally. This is a drop in the bucket. Instead of rain on the field, this is the first raindrop that hits our field that has the crops waiting to grow. We count it as something that is going to be unfulfilling because we don’t count it as a gift. We count it as what they owe us. It’s payback.

George Faller [00:15:25]:

And how tragic is that? That you actually have sex and it’s not a victory, it’s not a bonding moment. It still leads to resentment. You’re still thinking, all those nice ones, but we’re not going to have it again, or, It’s been two months. Whatever it is, it doesn’t relieve it doesn’t add anything to the bank. Right. It’s just you’re still in that place of deprivation.

Laurie Watson [00:15:46]:

It doesn’t add anything to the bank. Exactly.

George Faller [00:15:49]:

That’s going to be super discouraging for both people. Right. The sexual withdrawal finally has sex, and it doesn’t move the needle at all. Like, what the hell’s the point? And that pursuer is left even resentful after the orgasm. I mean, how crappy is that for both people? Well, let’s talk about Laurie when we come back. What we can do with these four. Oh, my God. Yes.

Laurie Watson [00:16:14]:

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George Faller [00:16:15]:

Ong yes.

Laurie Watson [00:16:18]:

Sure.

George Faller [00:16:19]:

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Laurie Watson [00:16:21]:

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George Faller [00:16:59]:

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Laurie Watson [00:17:06]:

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George Faller [00:17:28]:

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George Faller [00:18:36]:

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Laurie Watson [00:18:51]:

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George Faller [00:20:47]:

Yeah. Well, I think the first thing is honoring the anxiety, right? When you recognize the anxiety is their hope that things are going to change. That anxiety is their control, their power, their influence. It’s still their fight to kind of make things different, which is beautiful. It’s trying to do a good job. It’s trying to deal with the threat. So I think but being able to name it yourself is probably the most important step. Right. Noticing your own anxiety, when you notice it and you name it, you then have a choice of what you want to do with it. Most people don’t know they’re anxious and don’t recognize the anxiety as doing all these things. So that first is to just name it. Like, where do you feel that anxiety? Do you feel your head racing? Do you feel your shoulders constrict? Do you feel a pressure on your chest? Is it throughout your body? And your hands? Like, being able to kind of name and feel where it is present starts to give us a choice over it.

Laurie Watson [00:21:44]:

So just becoming aware of that anxiety in the body and accessing it and feeling it, giving it, is it a shape? Do I feel like I’m crying? Do I have words for this? What is this anxiety meaning to me and saying to me and just kind of exploring all the tendrils of what the anxiety is like inside. I think that’s brilliant. So what would somebody say, George, if you were an anxious pursuer? Sure that’s never happened, what does it feel like inside your body and what do you say inside your mind? And can you just role play that for us?

George Faller [00:22:27]:

I think that racing. I can feel my brain, so I tend to feel it in my head as I’m running through scenarios and that’s not the right time. It’s probably not. If it’s not Wednesday night when I’m overworking and I’m overthinking and I can feel that pressure in my head that saying, well, wait a second, I’m doing this because this is so important, right? And being able to name it starts to then go to that. I think the second part of this is trying to if you notice the fear and you name it, you could try to offer some reassurance so you could try to take a breath, you could try to do something to let it go, to say thank you. You’re trying to help me, but I don’t need that right now because I want to get into that present state. And that’s why breathing is so helpful, to be able to say thank you. Raising thoughts. I’m not going to figure this out tonight, but the best thing I can do is just to get back into my body. And when I take that deep breath, I can feel my body start to settle down. I can feel my brain start to settle down. I can feel myself on the bed. I can feel myself starting to come back to that present moment.

Laurie Watson [00:23:45]:

I like the way you said that you thanked the racing thoughts. Almost like the racing thoughts are a part of you, a persona. It’s trying to help you, it’s defending you, it’s looking out for your best interest. It’s like, where is the snake on the path? Where’s the problem? This is a protective part that is saying, how can I find the opportunity to get my hunger met, my needs met? And so you’re kind of saying, I know what you’re trying to do to yourself, this part of yourself, I get it, you have a good reason here. But I don’t really need that right now. I need to be present. I need to take a breath. I need to be in my body. You don’t serve me quite as well anymore. So thank you for your efforts, but go be at peace and I’m going to take a deep breath right now.

George Faller [00:24:34]:

So what’s so tragic is so many people get really hard on themselves, shame themselves, judge pathologize, their anxiety. And that doesn’t reduce anxiety, right? That just increases the threat levels. Now not only did you get rejected, now you suck on top of it. And that’s a breeding ground for anxiety. So trying to just think about it as a relief valve. The threat is saying, I’m being rejected, I’m being hurt. You got to tell yourself you’re safe. That’s why the reassurance is so important. I actually look at that part of myself as a soldier. I visualize the soldier that’s just trying to protect me. Like you said, it’s going into the jungle. It’s looking for threats, it’s looking all over the place. And I say to that soldier like, hey, thanks pal, I know you’re trying to protect me. Just stand down right now. I might need five minutes, but just take a break. Sit to the side, right? Because I want to see maybe this jungle is not only a threat, but maybe it might be something beautiful, this might be the Garden of Eden here that I might want to relax it. So that ability to literally say stand down. That’s why the breath is also so important. Like when you exhale to just let that stress out, say let it out, let it be, let it go. All these mantras of just trying to discharge that anxiety.

Laurie Watson [00:25:55]:

But you’re so gentle with the soldier, you’re so kind. Rather than saying, why am I always up? So uptight. I know this ruins things. Instead of being critical over the anxious response. You’re really quite kind to him.

George Faller [00:26:10]:

I love him.

Laurie Watson [00:26:12]:

Yeah, I love him.

George Faller [00:26:13]:

He saved me many a times.

Laurie Watson [00:26:15]:

He’s a good guy.

George Faller [00:26:16]:

He’s a good guy and he’s doing his job. He’s just doing his job too well. Is that such a bad thing? He’s too diligent with working too hard.

Laurie Watson [00:26:24]:

Right, exactly right.

George Faller [00:26:27]:

And I know I’m going to need him again. So it is about just that flexibility, getting a control of the anxiety instead of letting anxiety because we know anxiety is just too vigilant. Right. It’s got to be proactive to find a threat before it gets you. So you got to look at ten possible scenarios that are a threat. Maybe one is only the actual threat, but now you responded to the other nine exactly like it was a threat. And that’s the problem with anxiety.

Laurie Watson [00:26:57]:

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George Faller [00:28:00]:

As bad as it gets. I mean, it’s bad to be rejected, but when you start to go down the road of, I actually believe I deserve the rejection because I’m too anxious. Anxious. All those tapes start to play. That is about as bleak. I mean, it’s when you need people the most and no one’s showing up for you there.

Laurie Watson [00:28:19]:

Yeah. So we got to show up and be gentle with ourselves and care about ourselves.

George Faller [00:28:25]:

Yeah.

Laurie Watson [00:28:25]:

And sending that message, it’s like, yes, sex is important. We know it’s important and it connects us. It serves our bond. It is pleasure and enjoyment and it is important. And maybe our partner can’t see that or can’t see that right now, but it’s okay to want this.

George Faller [00:28:46]:

And good things happen when we’re present again. We could discharge some of that anxiety. We can get ourselves back into our body. We can just let nature do its thing. It’s supposed to respond when we’re in a loving space with our partner. And I think the next piece is when you do have some successes, you really got to take the time to celebrate that, to install that, because the anxiety wants to come right back and take the space over and you got to keep it aside. Like, wait a second, can I just enjoy what just happened? Can I tell my partner a good job? Can I tell myself a good job? Hearing good job the opposite of rejection is acceptance, right? It’s being wanted. So when we start to get that, to really try to stretch that out.

Laurie Watson [00:29:31]:

Even like what you said, telling your partner, good job, or rather than the sense of this was just a drop in the bucket of what you owe me, just saying, hey, thank you, I appreciate that, love it. Maybe even sometimes we still feel like it’s a drop in the bucket. But our intention can be to change this dynamic between us and our partner. And so thanking them and saying, that was great. I felt so good. My body felt so good.

George Faller [00:30:01]:

Yes, gratitude so important. You could focus on the drop instead of just what’s missing. But that drop is still pretty good. That drop is in the present moment to appreciate, to drop, and then maybe ten minutes afterwards you’re going to go back. Who cares? But try to stretch it to eleven minutes. Twelve minutes. The more your body gets, it staying in that place of success, the more safety that it’s building.

Laurie Watson [00:30:28]:

Yes, I like that.

George Faller [00:30:31]:

Yes. That yes is growing in confidence. You hear that, everyone? Lori’s brain’s calming down and the yes is taking the spot.

Laurie Watson [00:30:40]:

Right?

George Faller [00:30:41]:

That solid.

Laurie Watson [00:30:42]:

Yes, I love it. And I think, like you said, the breath. Maybe we are present and maybe we’re present even in a moment. That is not sexual because we’ve let go of the anxiety and okay, it’s not going to be a. Sexual moment and we’re letting go. But being present in any moment with our partner is bonding and connecting. And oftentimes for a lot of people, they do stress. I want my partner to be with me, to be connected to me before I can get turned on. So probably no harm done there if you’re becoming present to whatever moment is in front of you with your partner.

George Faller [00:31:24]:

Yes. And the partner can help with this too, right. When they notice the stress and anxiety, just to name it and give it permission, you could become that good soldier and just say, hey, honey, I can see you’re stressed. Come here, let me rub your shoulders. Right. It’s okay to be stressed. This has been a minefield for us. But I’m here right now. I want to be with you. That reassurance from the partner is also a nice little relief out for that anxiety.

Laurie Watson [00:31:51]:

I also think, and you hit this one so hard when we’re teaching, is that the validation, just even self validation? Yeah. It makes a lot of sense that you would be stressed out and anxious about this. This has been a long dynamic, and you have good reasons to experience anxiety and to let the anxiety push, because our partner can’t say that to us. But we know what it’s like on the inside to feel anxiety that drives sex. And so just saying it to ourselves, like, yeah, I mean, of course you’re going to be anxious. Just that validation. Even if it’s self validation, it’s a good thing.

George Faller [00:32:34]:

So there we go. Those four reasons to stop using anxiety, it makes it all about you. You really need to expand that and see the selfishness of what a yellow brain does. It’s not your fault, but we need to get out of that. The two, it creates an atmosphere of pressure. We definitely want to reduce that pressure. And being able to take ownership for the environment it starts to create is a good way of doing that. Three, it kills. Know Laurie’s talking about how so many people sleepwalk. It’s exactly what anxiety is doing. It focuses on the future. And that last one is it breeds resentment. Right. It focuses on the drop in the bucket instead of what is actually present in that moment. So we want to let go of that resentment.

Laurie Watson [00:33:22]:

Yeah. And some of how we let go of it is we honor the soldier. The part of us that is anxious, that serves us, that’s looking for threat, looking for danger. And we can take a deep breath, come into the moment, be present even right now, and we can validate the part, the reasons for the soldier’s efforts.

George Faller [00:33:46]:

And use the image you want. It could be a soldier, a police officer, a teacher, a coach, your grandmother, who cares? Have fun with it. But it’s just a loving part of who that you have that’s just a bit overprotective. And we just want some more flexibility.

Laurie Watson [00:34:01]:

So we want you to be kind to yourself, kind to yourself in that anxious place. Thanks for listening.

George Faller [00:34:08]:

Keep it hot, y’all.

Laurie Watson [00:34:10]:

I would love to invite you. This is women only, but we are having a retreat in Asheville on November 10 through the twelveTH and it’s going to be a slumber party. And so we’re going to all stay together in the same cabin. It’s a beautiful space and we’re going to have meals brought in and made and we know who the chef is and so it’s going to be wonderful. Maybe drink a little bit of wine if you’d like to. And we have kind of some talks and time to work together on your sexuality. So the whole goal of this women’s sexuality retreat, the slumber party, is to basically enhance and develop yourself, your erotic self inside. So we’re going to be talking about anatomy and physiology and sexual attachment. We’re going to talk through blocks. What stops us? What are the breaks against our sexual expression? And then what are our gas pedals? What are our turn ons? How do we open up more sexually, like with enhanced sexual pleasure. And we’re going to talk about orgasms and roleplay and using toys and fantasies and some stuff. And each night we’re going to have a pajama party where we just relax and sit around and talk on the deck and hang out together. And then on Sunday morning, we’re going to set our focus and have concrete steps toward sexual engagement with our partners.

George Faller [00:35:32]:

Sounds pretty awesome. Laurie and all the men. Don’t worry about it. Maybe we’ll have like a Spartan camp out somewhere, have a couple of beers and we’ll do our own version of that someday.

Laurie Watson [00:35:44]:

That would be great. So, love to invite you. I will post it on foreplaysextherapy.com under resources, and there will be the retreat, the scheduling events, and you can link and figure out if you can make it with us on November 10 through the twelveTH in Asheville. Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.

George Faller [00:36:08]:

Laurie we just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witcher. Really practical, moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. We’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough. This talk about theories and these global things, I think most therapists are looking for, what do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.

Laurie Watson [00:36:34]:

That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations, teaching. It really is interactive. And I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.

George Faller [00:36:54]:

No, we try to emphasize the teach. It show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas, so we try to teach those, and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do and become their own moves.

Laurie Watson [00:37:12]:

Find George and his [email protected].

Joe Davis – Announcer [00:37:17]:

Call in your questions to the Foreplay Question voicemail dial eight three three my. Foreplay that’s eight, three, three my. The number four play and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.