Warning this episode is NSFW and you might want to sit down for this one! Is dirty talk part of your love making repertoire? Dirty talk is defined as talking explicitly about sex with your partner. These explicit words run the gamut and can either be a major turn ON or turn OFF. Join our hosts today as they not only give us a list of dirty words to use during sex but discuss how to artfully bring up this HOT topic with your love. This is an area that you want to approach thoughtfully. Moving too fast has the potential to ruin the fun that dirty talk could bring to your sex life. Here are some great questions to ask if you want to test the waters in this arena: “How do you want to talk about our sex?” “Is there a specific name or language you want me to use about your body parts, our moves during lovemaking?” “What ways can we create comfort and also turn up the heat?” Find out how your partner wants to hear it and learn what it does or doesn’t do for them. Getting to know your partner better is always a good thing! Keep it hot y’all!
Show Notes
Understanding Addyi
– Introduction to Addyi (Flibantrin), an FDA-approved medication for premenopausal women with hypoactive sexual desire disorder
– Discussion of the benefits and who might be a candidate for using Addyi
– List possible side effects and necessary precautions
– Mention the special offer with code “Foreplay” for a discounted telemedicine appointment provided by Addie.com
Navigating Dirty Talk in Relationships
– Dive into the main topic of ‘Dirty Talk,’ exploring varying opinions and examples
– Laurie and George discuss the spectrum of terms used for male genitalia and intercourse, from slang to romantic
– Address how different partners have different comfort levels and preferences
– Emphasize the importance of explicit communication in sexual relationships and reassure during sexual encounters
Communication Techniques
– Talk about how dirty talk can impact confidence and pleasure within sexual encounters
– Suggest techniques for couples to communicate openly about their sexual desires and boundaries without judgment
– Introduce the sexual Terms worksheet to aid in conversations about explicit language
Integrating Explicit Language in Sexual Health
– George and Laurie highlight the relevance of explicit language in enhancing sex therapy
– Announce new therapy modules for therapists, focusing on practical, moment-by-moment moves
– Mention George’s teaching resources available at successandvulnerability.com
Conclusion
– Wrap up discussing the balance between a couple’s comfort with dirty talk and the use of explicit language in a relationship
– Remind listeners to find a comfortable and successful way to communicate about sex
– Encourage listeners to submit questions for future mailbag episodes
Transcript
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Joe Davis – Announcer [00:01:25]:
The following content is not suitable for children.
George Faller [00:01:27]:
Dirty talk. Here we go. Some people love it. Some people hate it. What the hell is it? What are we even talking about here?
Laurie Watson [00:01:36]:
talk dirty to me, baby.
George Faller [00:01:43]:
Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
Laurie Watson [00:01:47]:
And I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.
George Faller [00:01:50]:
We are here to talk about sex.
Laurie Watson [00:01:52]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts, and.
George Faller [00:02:00]:
We have a little bit of fun doing it.
Laurie Watson [00:02:02]:
Right, g listen and let’s change some relationships.
Laurie Watson [00:02:06]:
So how are you feeling about this episode? G.
George Faller [00:02:11]:
I think it’s fun to even think about it. I’m reluctant. I think dirty talk. I think, hey, slut, come over here, let me spy. My brain just sees it as like, I don’t know what’s maybe happening in pornography or something, like coarse and demeaning and objectifying. So I just have never really been a thing that but when I actually looked up the definition, all it means is being explicit about sex. That seems like something fun that maybe I should do a little bit more of. I don’t know.
George Faller [00:02:48]:
What about you? What’s your take on dirty talk?
Laurie Watson [00:02:51]:
Yeah, no, I think that when I hear that, I like what you said. It’s demeaning, objectifying and not always a bad thing. But overall, I think that’s the resistance, right? Most of us don’t want to be demeaned or objectified, or at least not we don’t want our partner to really feel that way. I’m probably more open to it, but I think that mostly what I hear when I explore it with people is they just want somebody to be super explicit about explicit about what they want, explicit about their pleasure, explicit about what their body feels, explicit about what they want to do to their partner. I mean, just talk about it and everything you think in your mind, say it out loud and that feels like dirty talk to them.
George Faller [00:03:46]:
Maybe it’s the word dirty talk. We should have a different word that’s just like more present talk. I don’t know, but I’m looking at a little list. I didn’t realize this was dirty talk, but let’s see how we roll with this.
Laurie Watson [00:04:00]:
Okay.
George Faller [00:04:01]:
I’m so wet. I’m so hard right now. I don’t have any panties on. I’m dripping. I need to feel you against me. I need your lips against my skin. Just wait until we get home and see what I’m going to do with you. I want your mouth on me.
George Faller [00:04:20]:
I want you to grab me from behind. I want you fucking inside of me. I want you to undress me. I want to taste you. I want your cock in my mouth. Some of these things are.
Laurie Watson [00:04:37]:
You’Re totally making all my boy parts tingle?
George Faller [00:04:43]:
No, I was having all these parts on this list here. This is a list from Mind Body Green. And I just was googling seeing, oh, this is what dirty talk is trying to be.
Laurie Watson [00:04:55]:
I mean, isn’t it a turn on just to kind of hear that graphic desire? It’s verbal desire and it’s like this is a woman talking. I take it and I don’t know, it feels like it is a sexual act in and of itself without even touching it’s a sexual act to hear that kind of language, to hear that kind of explicit talk. I really do. I think for most people, that’s the beginning right there of sex. Yeah, I can imagine during sex hearing that too. You’re not just getting stimulated physically, but your mind and your ears are being stimulated. It’s so hot. And I know there are people who don’t like that.
Laurie Watson [00:05:57]:
I was talking about this with some friends and the guy was like, oh, just shut up. During sex, you should not be talking. That is like, do not say anything. Just get into it and feel it and go for there. And I will say in my heart, I thought, wow, you probably are not very fun in bed, you know? But it was like, I mean, I understand and some people feel they would never or maybe they would say say things, but it wouldn’t be that graphic. And what you just read to us was pretty graphic and kind of used language, right? Grab my ass. Maybe kiss my tits, not my nipples. It could have been a little crasser.
George Faller [00:06:44]:
And I’d imagine that’s on a whole spectrum, right, from pretty tame to pretty out there. But I like what you’re saying that I think couples need to ease into these conversations and you need to have success when you’re having these conversations, and I think what holds a lot of people back is judgment. Right. I’m going to upset you. I’m going to say the wrong thing. I don’t want to be judged or seen as whatever, so I’ll just kind of have these thoughts in my head, but I won’t make those thoughts explicit.
Laurie Watson [00:07:19]:
Yeah. And like in a group soup recently, I heard something. Apparently the guy had told her his name for his penis, like, long before. And so Xiaoi’s called his penis by his own name for it. And finally he kind of hints around and says, I’d really like you to call it my cock. Which she would have been so willing to do, but thought she was doing something appropriate and what was personal for him. But he really wanted her to say, I don’t know if that’s a dirtier word or just a more exciting word. Right.
George Faller [00:08:03]:
I can see why she faller in his penis. Shorty wasn’t really so such a turn on in a moment.
Laurie Watson [00:08:12]:
Exactly. Shorty didn’t work as well as cock.
George Faller [00:08:16]:
Cock sounds. Mr. Cock would even be better.
Laurie Watson [00:08:20]:
Yes, sir. Mr cock, sir.
George Faller [00:08:22]:
Cock.
Laurie Watson [00:08:22]:
Yes, sir, Mr. Cock.
George Faller [00:08:24]:
Yes, sir, Mr. Cock. Can I have another, please?
Laurie Watson [00:08:30]:
Exactly.
George Faller [00:08:32]:
Well, again, I never really even gave it. We talk about in our best sex talk as we’re trying to get couples to increase levels of engagement, that it’s pretty typical for one partner. It’s a gas pedal. They really like it, and the other person can be a break. It kind of turns them off. And we often give couples a space to just talk about it. Like, why does it turn you on? Why does it turn you off? And can you find more common ground there? Usually people can they can stretch themselves. The person who doesn’t like it’s, like, I don’t like it because it feels demeaning or it feels like it’s objectifying me.
George Faller [00:09:06]:
So those words won’t work as well, but maybe more explicit words like, I love your body, or what’s better than you right now? I mean, there are words that would help that person to kind of ease into being more explicit about it.
Laurie Watson [00:09:24]:
Yeah, I think compliments, right. Explicit compliments about your partner’s body always work. And you can use language that is your language for it. Your breasts are lovely, or whatever that works. Those are good things to say. I think that the dirty talk, though. Maybe you can test it out. I know I’ve encouraged one person that I’ve seen it’s like, is that the way your partner wants to hear it? When you say something more genteel and sort of from your own language, does it land in your partner as very sexual? So that might be a question we could ask each other.
Laurie Watson [00:10:19]:
Right in bed is like, go home and ask your partner. Are the words that I’m using do they increase your feelings of arousal? Do they sound sexy to you? Is my saying shorty, does that make you harder? And just check out. First of all, are we on the same page with language? Or have you been kind of wishing for longing for me to get a little dirtier?
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George Faller [00:11:53]:
And I also think it matters where the couple’s at and what they’re both looking for if they haven’t reconnected. And this is a really romantic weekend, and it’s really more about the emotional bond and then leaning into the explicit romance, how much I love you, how much your body’s perfect for me. I couldn’t be complete without you. I think those explicit words, how you’re enough, how you’re enough, the magical words. Right? But if you’re looking for a little fun, you’re looking for a little adventure, a little something to spice it up a little bit, then, hey, can I bend you all like, is that conversation.
Laurie Watson [00:12:31]:
That wait, finish that one, because I don’t think they heard that.
George Faller [00:12:34]:
Can I bend you over and make you mine?
Laurie Watson [00:12:38]:
Yeah. There you go. Yeah. So some of it is knowing what the two of you are up for, right?
George Faller [00:12:47]:
Yeah, exactly.
Laurie Watson [00:12:51]:
20Th anniversary weekend, and they want candles and romance and yeah, they might not be expecting the bend over line. Let me do you, baby. Yeah.
George Faller [00:13:06]:
How’s this gag ball that I’m going to introduce her. I was working with a couple. The wife had a toy that she looked at and she’s like, there’s no way this is going to work for me. Like, the way it was built, it was just not going to work. So she just left it in the closet and was like, this is out this toy. And the husband came in and went to the closet and sort sitting. He’s like, oh, she wants this toy. Let me surprise her with this one.
George Faller [00:13:36]:
So they were just two different planets. We know over 10% of sexual encounters fail. They had a failure. Right. So again, that ability to talk about it. So many couples fail in this area. It’s amazing. Right, Laurie, how many couples we see where one of them really wants dirty talk and the other wants no part of it and they just keep missing each other in this area? Absolutely.
George Faller [00:14:00]:
Well, let’s come back.
Laurie Watson [00:14:02]:
Okay.
George Faller [00:14:02]:
Going to have a list of a couple more explicit things.
Laurie Watson [00:14:06]:
Okay. I actually have something that I will send people. It’s a sexual Terms worksheet and it kind of goes through the technical scientific word and then slang terms, romantic terms, playful terms, and dirty terms. And I don’t know that this I think I got this from Urban Dictionary long, long time ago, but I’ll send it to you and I think it will give people a way to talk about it. And you can also find it on Instagram for us if you go there. And that’s foreplay underscore sex therapy podcast. So join us there. Okay.
George Faller [00:14:44]:
Words of power, baby.
Laurie Watson [00:14:45]:
Words. Okay, let’s see where we land, what we like.
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George Faller [00:17:46]:
All right. Words of power. I can feel myself getting more excited. I’m like, I really haven’t grown this side of me because I always thought it was just the word dirty. I always was like, that’s not really that relevant. But there’s so much being explicit about sex that feels like it gives you more permission to be more present, right? Just to kind of bring more of those words in. So thank you for sharing that list with us, Laurie.
Laurie Watson [00:18:09]:
Yeah, and I just think all of these might work at different times. A lot of times people have resistance to dirty talk, and then I pull out this sheet, this worksheet. My sexual terms worksheet. And I ask this, which one do you mean when you say dirty talk? So you want me to go through a couple of different things here, g.
George Faller [00:18:34]:
Yeah, I got my list. You got your list. We’re just throwing words out there into the universe, and let’s see what sticks.
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Laurie Watson [00:19:26]:
So let’s start with penis and erections. Penis and erections. So the slang term that I came up with, our Urban Dictionary came up with was pecker, willie, a woody, and a boner. And romantic terms was stock, shaft, morning glory, love, lance. And just for the record, my motif, my logo, used to be a morning glory because it was feminine, but it also meant, and I knew it meant an erection, but whatever.
George Faller [00:20:03]:
Anything with the word glory in there sounds pretty good to me. Laurie.
Laurie Watson [00:20:14]:
I love it. Okay. Playful was your love muscle, the Tomcat, Mr. P, daddy’s big black Cadillac and pitching a tent. And then dirty talk was cock, dick, dong, and the fuck stick.
George Faller [00:20:30]:
Damn.
Laurie Watson [00:20:32]:
Damn.
George Faller [00:20:33]:
I’m writing some of these down.
Laurie Watson [00:20:37]:
So I don’t know. Does it seem I don’t know that I honestly don’t know. And I did this long ago that cock and dick are all that dirty. I think those would be more slang. What do you think, G?
George Faller [00:20:47]:
Yeah, I do. Again, it all depends on the relationship and the type of love that you’re having, but I think it was a great conversation for both people to say, like, what’s the best way? How do you like how I name my penis when we’re having sex? To be able to say, can you put it in a little bit deeper? Is it the best word, or do we have a word that would work better for the two of you? Can you put your morning glory a little bit deeper? I’m like I like the sound of that one.
Laurie Watson [00:21:23]:
You like the sound or you don’t?
George Faller [00:21:25]:
I do. I like it. I’m going to tell my partner, no more it. Let’s get rid of it. Let’s get a better say it.
Laurie Watson [00:21:34]:
Let’s say what it is. How deep? Balls deep.
George Faller [00:21:41]:
Do you like me inside? Do you like this inside you? I mean, inside you do. We got better than you and it yeah.
Laurie Watson [00:21:50]:
Okay. So what’s inside you? What’s inside me? So the technical term would be vulva. It is not actually vagina, but for most people, they call the vulva their vagina. So they mean the whole thing, but the vagina is the whole but anyway or how about bush?
George Faller [00:22:09]:
Or vaginas is not better than.
Laurie Watson [00:22:13]:
And that’s right. I mean, I say vulva just because I’m a sex therapist, but, yeah, most people say my vagina, put it in my vagina, my muff. How about the JJ that was popularized by Oprah. The flower, the yawning, my sugar box, my love purse, dirty talk. So those were romantic and playful that I just said. And then dirty would be my slit cunt or crutch.
George Faller [00:22:42]:
And it’s interesting how the words each partner might feel differently about the word. Maybe a female likes her partner in that arousal caveman phase, saying, I want to be inside your cunt. That might feel good. Or she might like using it herself to feel empowered, like, can you go faster inside my cunt? Or they might not like walking. I mean, there’s so many iterations of this stuff that I’ve really never thought.
Laurie Watson [00:23:07]:
About I need your cock inside my cunt. It even has the sea and the sea, the hard sea and the hard sea. That has a ring to it. Yeah. Okay, what else should I talk about here? Oral sex? How about oral sex? So I will know my previous podcast partner, Adam and I, we pretty much used probably more of the technical scientific names, and we always talked about oral sex. And then I remember my first episode with you and you said something about and then he goes down and I was like, oh, okay. We are talking slang now. And I’m like, okay, I got to get used to this.
George Faller [00:23:55]:
It’s because my brain can’t remember all those technical terms.
Laurie Watson [00:24:00]:
Okay? Some of the slang words would be giving head, going down, sucking off, licking, swallowing. Some of the romantic terms would be having breakfast in bed, tasting you. A playful term was give me the juice, deep throat, the sauce. The dirty terms would be mouth, fucking, cock sucking, suck your dick, eat you. So how do those all nice simple.
George Faller [00:24:31]:
Ones like, can you say hello to my friend?
Laurie Watson [00:24:36]:
Okay, that’s good, right? Can you say hello to my friend? I like that cunning lingus valatio too. Those were other technical terms.
George Faller [00:24:45]:
I got a list here of just things to talk about, to say in a moment. Can you hold me? Can you come for me? Can you kiss my nipples? Can you choke me? Can you grab my ass? Just like that right there? A little bit faster. Can you pull my hair? Can you bite me? Can you look at me? Can you talk to me? Can you say my name? Whisper in my ear. Don’t stop moan for me. Yeah, get over here, you sexy beast. You like that? You want more of that?
Laurie Watson [00:25:23]:
Those are all easily said, right? I mean, none of those I would.
George Faller [00:25:27]:
Have never thought that was dirty talk, but there it is.
Laurie Watson [00:25:29]:
Yeah, I think that’s dirty talk. That all works. Those are good. And I think most of those are easy.
George Faller [00:25:40]:
That’s a list of some things to say in a moment. Right here are some things to recognize your partner. You feel so good inside of me. You do that so well. Perfect. Your cock, your pussy feels amazing. I love your body. I love it when you grit your teeth.
George Faller [00:25:59]:
I love it when you whisper in my ear. I love it when you touch me right there. It’s amazing. I love the way you moan. I love the way you sound. I love the way you taste.
Laurie Watson [00:26:11]:
I love the way you taste. I suppose for men that works, but that really works for women because they are so hung up over how they taste. So many women tell me that this is the big resistance to having oral sex for women is they’re afraid that they smell bad and taste bad. So that’s just sort of like you are enough saying that one. You taste good. You taste good. That’s good right there.
George Faller [00:26:37]:
I don’t know if you’re leaving a person to their own imagination, right. You’re like down there doing your thing and a person’s like, I guess just kind of holding their nose and going through the motions, right? But yeah, just that little kind of expression. It tastes so good, baby. All of a sudden, it just kind of calms that other person.
Laurie Watson [00:26:59]:
Yeah. This is what’s so powerful about dirty talk, too. It’s so reassuring. Reassuring about that your body is good, your body is acceptable, and that they want you. I mean, sometimes we think we should know. Well, I came. So did you think it was great? But like, hearing it, that’s a different level. And hearing it, I think in a graphic, forceful way.
Laurie Watson [00:27:27]:
Super hot. That’s my take.
George Faller [00:27:30]:
Super hot.
Laurie Watson [00:27:31]:
Super hot. Super hot.
George Faller [00:27:33]:
Listen. And it’s to each their own. Our job is to open up space, help couples talk about it. If you’re not into it, that’s fine. A lot of people that are focused on the moment and they’re in their bodies and they’re listening to their hearts and they’re trying to have a spiritual connection and maybe words are distracting. So again, we’re not here. I mean, I find myself not being super verbal saying, dan, there’s a lot of things in here I could be saying that might be a little bit more a little bit more spicy and a little bit more fun. So I’m glad we talked about it.
George Faller [00:28:05]:
I didn’t think I could talk 24 minutes about dirty talk. So here you are.
Laurie Watson [00:28:10]:
You did great. You did great, buddy. Yeah, I think that that’s also just one last note. You said I’m not that verbal, and so it didn’t even occur to you to say maybe these things. And I think that’s for a lot of withdrawers and we know that in bed, oftentimes women are more sexually withdrawn. It doesn’t mean they don’t like sex, but maybe exposing this inner part of what they think or even letting themselves think about what they think. So I’m on the women’s sexuality retreat this weekend.
George Faller [00:28:50]:
Yeah, baby.
Laurie Watson [00:28:51]:
I’m already at the cabin. We’re so excited about the guests that are coming and the participants. I’m here with Shelly and Carol, who George, you know, and have supervised, and we’re getting ready. This is actually one of the worksheets that we’re going to give them and have them talk about it. And I think so many women say, I don’t even think about it. I don’t even think about my body. I’ve never named my body, never named these sex acts. I just know we’re going to do it.
Laurie Watson [00:29:20]:
So we’re really going to challenge women on this sexual retreat to expand in many ways, to think about their brakes, to think about their accelerators. We have a basket of vibrators that we’re going to show and talk about, like what they’re all good for. And this is definitely one way, I think, just starting to label themselves and put words to things that maybe help make the experience better. Because the more explicit we can be about what we want, the better our partner knows what’s in our heart and what our body needs. Right? So we’re giving information, and we’re going to challenge the women in many ways to think through their own sexual experience, what they need, what they want, what their body wants, what’s happening in their partnership that they can be more explicit about. So very excited about that.
George Faller [00:30:13]:
That’s some good stuff. And that’s what I always love working with. Laurie you are so explicit. You are so verbal. You’re so comfortable and skilled in the area, and you really role model to the rest of know that fluidity that know you could have, right? The more words of power, the more words you have inside, outside, it doesn’t matter where. A mission of this podcast is to get people more comfortable and more importantly, having more success in sex. And that includes talking about and there are a lot of couples out there that are not talking at all to each other during sex. And what do you got to lose to have a conversation and try a couple of things out?
Laurie Watson [00:30:53]:
Yeah, let’s do it. It’s a beautiful day here, gorgeous outside, and we are ready. And this was fun talking dirty. I love this episode. Thanks for listening.
George Faller [00:31:09]:
Oh, yeah, baby. Keep it hot.
Laurie Watson [00:31:11]:
Keep it hot.
George Faller [00:31:13]:
Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.
Laurie Watson [00:31:19]:
Laurie we just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witch or really practical moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. We’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough, there’s talk about theories and these global things. I think most therapists are looking for, what do I do in this moment? Give me a tool. George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.
George Faller [00:31:44]:
That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations. Teaching, it really is interactive. And I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.
Laurie Watson [00:32:04]:
No, we try to emphasize, to teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas. So we try to teach those, and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do and become their own moves.
George Faller [00:32:22]:
Find George and his [email protected].
Joe Davis – Announcer [00:32:27]:
Call in your questions to the dial. Eight, three three. My foreplay. That’s eight, three three. My the number four play, and we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay Media.