Welcome to another engaging episode of the Foreplay podcast! In Episode 439, we dive deep into the tantalizing topic of secure sexual attachment and its role in heating up intimacy. Join our hosts, Dr. Laurie Watson and George Faller, as they explore the dynamics of repairing relationship breaches, the significance of vulnerability and bravery in sexual communication, and the journey towards spiritual ecstasy in intimate connections. In this episode, hear firsthand how addressing and understanding each other’s roles can turn rejections into opportunities for deepening attachment. They also discuss how secure attachment fosters creativity and variety in intimate encounters, and emphasize the power of communicating and exploring together. If you’re looking to enhance your relationship and deepen your connection, this episode is packed with insights, heartwarming roll play, and valuable advice. Tune in and let’s unveil the secrets to making secure sex not just possible, but sizzling!
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Show Notes
Repairing Relationships
– Dr. Laurie shares a personal experience of repairing a relationship with her partner after a rejection incident, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging each other’s vulnerabilities and expressing regret and apologies.
– George speaks on acknowledging his own anger and mishandling of a situation, and how his apology to his partner was crucial in repairing their bond.
Understanding Rejection
– Dr. Laurie explains how external factors, such as a call from her mother, impacted her state of mind, leading to an unintentional rejection, and the importance of communicating these influences to your partner.
Deepening Sexual Attachment
– The importance of repair conversations in deepening sexual attachment and creating a secure bond.
– How acknowledging and working through differences can lead to a positive cycle of appreciation and openness.
Communication in Relationships
– Emphasis on setting goals, understanding negative cycles, and the necessity of repairing and communicating in relationships.
– Securely attached couples have realistic expectations and can repair and communicate effectively post-conflict.
Experiencing Spiritual Ecstasy
– The physical, emotional, and spiritual impacts of spiritual ecstasy and the concept of surrendering to the experience.
– How sex can help individuals become more present and in touch with their senses.
Attributes of Secure Sexual Attachment
– Securely attached sexual encounters involve warmth, calmness, happiness, and trust.
– These relationships are characterized by creativity, variety, and open communication.
Transcript
Sara Jane Case [00:00:00]:
Hi, there. I am Sarah Jane Case, and I am the host of your new favorite show, Enneagram and Coffee. This podcast is dedicated to discussing the beautiful and hard parts of being human. We use the tool the Enneagram, a personality map that has taken over the world for increased self compassion, personal growth, and healthier relationships. If this sounds up your alley, listen to Enneagram and Coffee on the iHeart app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts online.
Joe Davis – Announcer [00:00:30]:
The following content is not suitable for children.
George Faller [00:00:32]:
Back to the school of love. Sexual secure attachment. What the hell does that even look like, Laurie?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:00:41]:
Kind of sounds so dull, doesn’t it? But, you know, secure attachments sexually. But I gotta ask people, and I’m gonna ask you in this thing, is secure sex hot? That’s what I really wanna know. Is it hot?
George Faller [00:00:54]:
I think it’s damn hot. And we’re going to explain why it’s so hot. It just makes so much sense that if you have more to engage with, if there’s more safety and trust, it’s easy to take risks. And there’s some good damn stuff here. Laurie?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:08]:
Yeah. Welcome to foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:16]:
And I’m George Fowler, your couples therapist.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:18]:
We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:20]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:28]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it. Right, G?
George Faller [00:01:31]:
Listen, and let’s change some relationships.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:34]:
Okay, so let’s talk about secure sex and what it looks like. This is really from the work of Peggy Kleinplatz. And she did research on couples who were long term lovers and reported that they had had great sex for a long time and kind of that it had developed. And so from that, we have learned what secure sex looks like.
George Faller [00:01:57]:
Yeah. So we’re going to talk about some of her research, but really expand upon that. Like, what does it look like in action as we talk about? We talk a lot about insecure negative cycles. Well, what would it look like? A positive cycle. Right. This is the target that we’re all aiming towards when we’re in a place of flow. And it’s really working well.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:18]:
Yeah. So I would say the first thing is couples who are secure sexually, they open up, they reveal what’s inside their brain, as well as their bodies, about their erotic world. Because we all have desires, we all have thoughts and fantasies, and secure lovers share that with each other, which is tough. It’s amazing.
George Faller [00:02:40]:
So, and I think that’s why we’re doing this podcast, right? So that opening up and sharing means it communicates. You got to be a good communicator to have really good sex. You need to talk about what works, what doesn’t work, what needs to change, how you both grow. I mean, this is a continuous process, so it would make sense that great lovers are great communicators, right? And this is, so many of us don’t get any help in this area. You know, it starts off hot and then things start to kind of, we need to change, but we don’t know how to talk about it. So the whole big mission of this podcast is really trying to kind of accentuate that point, right. I mean, you have to communicate. It’s critical.
George Faller [00:03:20]:
And the research is totally supporting us in that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:24]:
Right. And I think, too, that, you know, it, it demands personal growth in terms of our courage. We have to be brave in order to share with our partner kind of what we think about what our desire is, what. What the fantasies are. I mean, that takes a lot of interpersonal strength to say, I’m going to risk this. I’m going to risk my vulnerability with you because you’re so important to me to share with you that this part of my brain, this part of my fantasy world that I don’t tell anybody. I think it’s both. It’s technique, how do you communicate? And it’s also just personal growth.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:04:00]:
I’m going to be brave.
George Faller [00:04:03]:
Exactly. And that ability to be vulnerable, to take a risk, to be authentic, to be transparent, to be genuine. Right? I mean, that’s the opportunity that you find in the bedroom, right? That if you can, you know, why do I like this weird thing? Is something wrong with me. I mean, there’s such doorways into such tenderness and, you know, that couples, again, who can see that opportunity and have the courage to have some of these conversations, to be willing to touch parts of themselves and reveal them or be open to seeing their partner. Right. Without judgment, without criticism, without, you know, the things that cause us to lose so many parts of who we are.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:04:47]:
Yeah. And I mean, we think about this two revealing to each other. Basically that means that our partner meets that with an openness, a receptivity. We don’t have to want to do what the other person wants to do, but we do have to open our hearts to them to hear, like, okay, this is your turn on. That’s so exciting. I want you to tell me your turn on. Regardless of whether or not it turns me on, I capture and sort of get your excitement about it. And it does something inside me.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:05:19]:
I let it excite me even if I don’t want to participate in that particular activity. You know, when people talk, sometimes they say, oh, my partner is so boring. You know? And I’m thinking, you are not listening. Nobody is boring. Like, if you explore with them their world and get deeper with them, it’s always exciting. I don’t know.
George Faller [00:05:41]:
Yeah, either you’re not listening or they’re not sharing. But something is blocking the getting to know each other. We know the secret to any relationship is based on the quality of engagement. If you can keep exploring yourself and your partner, you can keep those levels of engagement high. I think with so many couples in long term relationships, because they can’t communicate, they start to lose access to parts of who they are. They can’t share it. And then if you can’t share before, you know, the levels of engagement go really down. That’s not a natural byproduct of committed relationships.
George Faller [00:06:14]:
That’s a sign of insecure attachment. Right. So we got to stop equating long term with insecure attachment like we’re talking about. That’s why the secure attachment is so. The research is crystal clear. Actually, with time, and safety, it’s easier to take these risks. That’s why great lovers are so good at this.
George Faller [00:06:36]:
You have to develop trust and success over years of being able to kind of show these parts of yourself.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:43]:
I think what you just said is quotable. We have to keep. We have to stop equating insecure attachment with what we imagine long term relationship is about, which is boring, disconnection, disengagement. Right? Yeah, yeah. Secure attachment, something so different. And another part of it is couples reach spiritual ecstasy, which. Tell me what you think about that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:07:09]:
I have my own ideas about spiritual ecstasy. What do you think?
George Faller [00:07:14]:
I think it’s, you know, we’re designed for relationships, so we all get caught up in our own stuff and our own egos and our own tunnel vision. But in sex, where you can surrender and let go, I mean, it’s one of these few moments where you do become part of something bigger than yourself. No wonder why for so many people that feel spiritual or sense of transcendence, right? Because it’s like I’m not focused on me. I’m like I’m just caught up in something else. And in that space, there’s more gratitude. Right? There’s more. There’s this sense of this bigger perspective that’s just pretty amazing.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:07:48]:
And I think that spiritual ecstasy also does something inside the body, it’s a bigger experience physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. It’s like giving over to it. Ecstasy is such a big word, but I think it hits our bodies too. When we surrender, when we give ourselves to our partner or really to the universe, it is kind of becoming part of the universe. Some people would definitely say it’s becoming part of God. When you let go and have your body do this amazing thing with orgasm and arousal and pleasure, it’s just like, ugh, part of everything.
George Faller [00:08:33]:
And let’s face it, we’re control freaks. Most areas of our life, we want to be in control. To be helpless, to let go is really scary. We don’t surrender much. So if in these moments, we get even a couple seconds of surrendering, no wonder why we tap into something else. So I think, I mean, I’m always trying to figure out how I can surrender in other areas of my life to kind of get that same feeling, because I think it’s so important to a bigger perspective.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:09:00]:
Yeah, exactly. And this place, so important to do it. And in all our life, another way to surrender in all our life is important as well.
George Faller [00:09:12]:
And if you’re able to surrender and let go, it’s easier to find yourself in the present moment. Right. I think that’s another hallmark of secure attachment. People are embodied. They’re not worried about what could happen and not thinking about the past. They’re in the present moment. They’re listening to their live signals, right? And they’re just, there’s so much focus on mindfulness and being intentionally present processed, which sounds great, but sex is a great way of letting you do that. Just let go of all the distractions in the worry list and, you know, and just be present with yourself and with your partner.
George Faller [00:09:48]:
So that’s. That’s another sign that we’re looking for. Are you present? Are you in your body? Can you feel all your senses? Can you listen to your signals in real time? Can you share that with your partner? I mean, how cool is that, to just be locked into the moment? And sex can really help us do that, right? That’s why I love emotions, because they’re in the present moment. It really pulls us into that present moment.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:10:12]:
That was powerful. I love that. I agree. It is embodied love and being sexual and letting yourself be right there. I mean, not only do you enjoy sex more, but your whole life kind of stands still, and it’s good in this moment. It’s good between us in this moment. It’s a wonderful experience.
George Faller [00:10:39]:
Now we hold on to that first kiss or these powerful moments. And it don’t have to be sexual. Like, I could think of holding my newborn son and, like, in just those moments, you’re a grandma now, right? But there’s something about, like, you could just stare into the eyes in the face and, like, life stands still because you’re radically in that moment with each other. And sex is a great doorway into that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:11:02]:
Yeah, trust me, I’m having lots of present moments these days of, you know, like the most important thing in the world is looking at that child in his eyes. It’s. It’s crazy, crazy, crazy in love experience, that euphoric experience of holding that child.
George Faller [00:11:19]:
That’s a hallmark of secure attachment. You’re looking for the signs of connection. You’re looking for this, that positive affect. Do you feel warm and calm and happy and open and trusting and you know, that, that, that openness, that curiosity, right? That is the sign of secure attachment. We don’t have to guess. We know exactly what it looks like. So if you’re finding high doses of that in the sexual encounter, chances are you’re, you have secure attachment. A lot of us, you know, we’re, we’re rigid or we’re worried or like we’re focused on ourselves.
George Faller [00:11:52]:
There’s so much that blocks that and then the fruits are in the negative emotion. So again, we all have some of both, but, you know, the, it’s like a math equation. If you really, if I had a video camera of the sexual encounter and I just was tracking the…your emotional responsiveness in it, it would tell a story of secure/insecure attachment.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:12:13]:
Yep. And secure attachment. I think this is the piece that so many anxious, secure pursuers are worried about. Like, oh, if it’s just secure, then we’re going to be doing the same thing. It’s going to become rote. And it’s really that secure people, sexually, do more exploration and they have more variety in their sexual repertoire. So they’re open to each other. They’re open like, let’s try this.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:12:39]:
You know, I was thinking about this, or I read about this in an article. I think we should see if our bodies can do that or the other thing. You know, they mix it up, you know, because they’re creative, they’re really bringing their creativity to the moment and it makes it more exciting and different and, you know, new.
George Faller [00:13:00]:
Exactly. That’s super important. And because they’re great communicators, they can do the most important thing needed in any kind of relationship. And we’re going to talk about that when we come back.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:13:21]:
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Dr. Laurie Watson [00:16:06]:
Many of you reach out to me for couples counseling and personalized help. If you want to dramatically improve your intimacy in a short amount of time. I do offer privately scheduled couple counseling intensives. It’s like a private couples retreat. It’s twelve to 16 hours in Raleigh. Maybe you need to get through the emotional cycle where one of you is suffering, feeling rejected, or the other one is feeling abandoned. Or maybe you need a jolt to your sex life.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:16:32]:
Together we can work through this. We set goals. We dive deep into your dynamics, figure out your negative cycle. We work through the sexual and the emotional problems, and then we often have a dramatic breakthrough. So you can call my office or you can contact me at awakeningcenter.org. Tell us the most exciting, exciting thing that people are going to do when they’re secure.
George Faller [00:16:59]:
We know the difference between master and disaster couples. The best and the worst is one thing, an ability to repair. When there is a miss, we know there’s going to be misses that’s inevitable. Misses are really healthy as long as you can repair again. This is why it’s so critical to communicate, you know, I really like, you know, for you to do this, but the timing of doing this isn’t great for the other person. Like, and if we can’t kind of work that out and have a conversation, it says, like, yeah, I was so excited I got out in front of you. I was really hoping, you know, to kind of do something else. But you were right.
George Faller [00:17:37]:
Getting close to where you needed to be and doing something else didn’t work so well for you. Right. So we missed each other sexually. That, that ability to kind of, afterwards, when the timing is right, to have a conversation that learns. I always tell my boys, you know, fall forward, learn from failure. Like, that’s. That’s the way successful people go through life. Right.
George Faller [00:17:59]:
It’s easy to preach than it is to actually do. But great lovers do this. They learn from it instead of feeling humiliated, hiding it, and never touching it again.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:18:09]:
Exactly. What a great message to your boys. I appreciate that. And so we want people to lean forward and are we going to show them about a repair as we have been talking about secure attachment?
George Faller [00:18:23]:
Sure. Let’s do a repair. And do we also want to talk about what a sexual secure cycle looks like, you know, where both people can really appreciate each other’s moves, although they’re going to be different. Right. They should show themselves in more of a flow and balance than the reactivity of a negative cycle. So where do you want to go first?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:18:42]:
Let’s do that one first.
George Faller [00:18:44]:
Right.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:18:46]:
I’ll be a responsive sexual woman, not necessarily a withdrawer. And maybe you’re more of the initiator.
George Faller [00:18:55]:
Perfect. And that initiator, if it’s appreciated or I appreciate my partner Janie’s responsiveness. That appreciation creates the safety. But if it’s not appreciated because the other person is different, it usually can lead to resentment and defensiveness in a negative cycle. So we’re expected in a securely attached sexual bond that both people know each other well and appreciate the differences, that they complement each other. So, for me, I really appreciate Janie that you’re always so receptive. I don’t know if I could do that. Right. I mean, I really lean on my testosterone and my spontaneity.
George Faller [00:19:40]:
Like, when I feel an urge, I act on it, and, like, I don’t know what it must be like to not have the urge and, like, just to be thinking about the dishes and all of the sudden have somebody, like, let’s go. And it’s like, somehow you find a way of, like, getting yourself in that direction. Like, I think that’s so beautiful. You know, I know a lot of times you’re not sure if it’s going to happen, but you’re willing to try. I mean, I just. It blows my mind that you can try without that urge driving. I just. I just.
George Faller [00:20:09]:
It really is inspiring.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:20:11]:
Oh, you know, I. I like it that you initiate with me, because it pulls me into, like, the moment, and it reminds me about us. And so I’m. You know, sometimes I am distracted with my own thoughts or all the things I got to do, but when you bring it up, I’m like, oh, yeah, this is what we’re here for. This is good. And I don’t always care that, you know, maybe I’m going to get there or not or I’m going to have an orgasm or nothing. I’m. I just feel like there’s something really exciting about you wanting me, asking me, going for it.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:20:51]:
It does kind of. I wouldn’t say it sparks something in my body, but it does spark something in my heart that makes me want to be with you. So I’m very grateful that you initiate, and, you know, you’re always responsive when I initiate, and I appreciate that. I know you’re ready to go, but I do feel like you do a lot of the work picking that up and thinking about it and bringing us to the bedroom and keeping our bodies alive with each other. So I want to say I appreciate that about you, too. And it feels good to me.
George Faller [00:21:25]:
It feels awesome to hear. It is, you know, that you appreciate kind of that energy I bring forth, and then I appreciate yours. And I really hope our listeners, please do not limit cycle talk to just a negative cycle to just about, you know, I’m worried about being rejected, and she feels depression, and she feels like she’s failing. That’s some of that’s there, too. But you got to have an image of what a positive cycle looks like. What does it look like? Work. And when both people know each other, appreciate each other, and can kind of flow with each other, right. That vision of a positive cycle of appreciation, of communication, of curiosity and openness, I mean, this is the target.
George Faller [00:22:11]:
This is what aiming for. So if you’re listening, you’re like, well, that’s not me. Well, yeah, it’s not you for good reasons. How do we get you from where you’re at to where you need to be? Like, if we have a clear target of secure attachment, it makes the work easier to get there. I think so many couples want better sex, but they don’t have an image on what better sex looks like, and it’s hard to get there. Like, then we start thinking, oh, it must be novelty or must be these, like, these little things to take her. But they’re treating the symptoms. They’re not getting to the core, which is, you know, a lot of the distance and defensiveness and this trust that’s growing in a couple.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:46]:
Yeah. And I think that what we just did to the demo of appreciation for each other’s positions, you know, it is not dysfunctional for one to be more of the initiator and the other to be more responsive, that’s okay. That’s actually pretty normal in a heterosexual relationship. But I think that expressing that directly to your partner, to say, I know you take this role, and this role serves us, the coupleship, you and me, in this way. And I just want to express my gratitude for it. Maybe you get cut in the negative cycle some of the time, but remembering the function of what your partner’s role is and how it does serve you, I think, is really good. I mean, I felt that just, even though I’m not typically receptive in my own world, like, when you said that to me, you know, it kind of made me feel warm. It made my heart happy.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:23:37]:
It’s like, okay, any time we appreciate the other, that is good.
George Faller [00:23:42]:
Feels excellent day. Right? That’s. That feels good. So securely attached couples have a clear target of what it looks like working. And they also have realistic expectations that they’re going to fall short. They’re going to come into a negative cycle, but when they do, they can repair afterwards. So let’s, let’s. Now, two weeks later, and I initiated, and Laurie wasn’t in them.
George Faller [00:24:06]:
Janie wasn’t in the mood. Right. So it hit on negative cycle. I felt rejected, and then I got angry and critical, and then Laurie felt, Janie felt like she’s frustrated and she’s kind of shutting down, pulling away. Right. So that’s going to happen. But now that you’re able to know a negative cycle, you can repair. So what would a repair conversation look like?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:24:28]:
So maybe, you know, I initiate the repair, okay. And I initiate the repair knowing that I’ve hurt you. Okay. So, you know, Joey, late in the night when you approached me and I just kind of couldn’t get there with you, and I know you got upset and you kind of got mad with me, but I’ve been thinking about that a lot today. And I remember what you said about how vulnerable you feel when you initiate with me and how a rejection almost hits your body to not just your heart, but your body, and you just feel bad all over, and it sends you to that dark place. And I just. I wanted to say to you that I thought about that. I thought about that this morning, and I’ve thought about it since, like, the dark place that you go to in rejection.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:25:23]:
And I really want to comfort you there. And I want to tell you, you know, that I wished when I had rejected you, I hadn’t been so kind of brusque about it that I had said it more softly so that you would have felt good about your initiation. So I’m really sorry for that. And I am wondering, did you go to that dark place? How was it for you when I. Because I know you got mad, but I’m. I’m wondering what happened underneath, too.
George Faller [00:25:53]:
Well, thank you for kind of bringing this up because, again, a lot of times we could not talk about this, and it passes. But, you know, I try not to think about it too much either. I mean, I know I’m angry, and afterwards, I know that does bad things to you, but to answer your question, like, yeah, I guess I didn’t see it coming because we’ve been in such a good place and, yeah, I just assumed you’d want to have sex. We’ve been in such a nice flow and, like, I just wasn’t. I wasn’t expecting you to just be like, no, I’m tired. And, like, it just. I don’t know. I wasn’t prepared for it, so it did just.
George Faller [00:26:30]:
It hurt. It made me like, fuck, here we go again. Like. And I, you know, it’s like the shadows of the past come kind of bubbling up, and it’s like I just wasn’t ready for it. And I know the way I handle that wasn’t great because, you know, it’s okay for you to say no if you’re not in a mood. I know that’s a good thing to do. I know it pressures you. I just.
George Faller [00:26:53]:
I just. I didn’t handle it well. I didn’t talk about what was really going on with me, and I’m sorry for that because I know, you know, it doesn’t give you much of a chance to, not only you not in a mood, and then I’m hitting you with all my anger, and it’s like. It’s like a double miss for you. I mean, not only you feel like you let me down, but now I’m angry at you, too. And I’m like, so, you know, I just want to let you know I’m sorry about that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:19]:
I appreciate that. And I kind of knew you were sorry by 10:00 this morning, when you came and kissed me goodbye, I knew that your heart was already soft, and I could see that. But I want to go back for just 1 minute, and. And it makes sense to me that you asked. It really does. I mean, even when I thought about it later, of course we’re flowing. It’s good. And kind of my abruptness when I rejected you, I can imagine hurt.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:50]:
I thought maybe I could tell you what was happening inside me, too. You didn’t know this, but I’d gotten a phone call from my mother, and it had kind of just set me off.
George Faller [00:28:01]:
Damn mother again.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:02]:
I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to talk about it. Right. You know, because we were going to sleep, and I didn’t even want to think about it. And so I. I was just in this different headspace. It wasn’t about you. And I don’t know if that helps, but I probably should have.
George Faller [00:28:15]:
Your damn mother again, Janie.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:17]:
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
George Faller [00:28:19]:
It’s always. It’s always either your mom or talking about the kids that can bring us into a different headspace.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:25]:
I know! If it’s not one thing, it’s my mother, you know?
George Faller [00:28:29]:
Exactly. I do want to know. And again, I do trust afterwards. I think that’s why I’m softer the next day, and there’s good reasons you’re not in a mood because most of the time you’re very receptive and you will. So there has to be something there. And again, I’m sorry, I’m not open to that. In that moment, I really want to.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:47]:
It’s okay, it’s okay. I was too harsh and. And then I didn’t explain myself, and it just left you alone, and I’m sorry. So again, how cool is this again, right? Two people sharing what really happened. I think being curious about where they went, when they were hurt, what was happening inside, what the backstory was. When we’re soft with each other, when we’re secure, we can reveal those things and it begins to make more sense. And I think that that soothes us. Okay, my partner isn’t crazy.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:29:22]:
My partner doesn’t want, you know, doesn’t not want me. And. Yeah, am I saying that right? You know, and so I think insecurity and that soft place, the repair happens, and, you know, these two people can go again.
George Faller [00:29:38]:
Exactly. If you can have the safety of the kind of fears being soothed, right. That creates the platform for the longing sexually to express the itself. And that, to me, is the hallmark of a securely attached sexual couple, right? Because they could, they could freely express their longings, their desires, their wants. They have different, of course, different styles and spontaneity. All this stuff kind of bring it together. It’s what adds such rich layers of change and opportunity for this couple. So, you know, we hope this, this podcast just springboard you all into more of these conversations.
George Faller [00:30:21]:
Like, what do we look like at our best in the bedroom? And when things get in the way of that, how do we have conversations that realign us back towards that target? Having a clear target of optimal sexual, securely attached love, it’s so grounding, I think. I mean, again, kids should be learning this in school. This is, this is the stuff that makes for great life.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:43]:
So true. And I think every repair conversation actually deepens the sexual attachment. We become known to each other in deeper ways. And so even if, you know, when a conflict happens, that’s the perfect thing. That’s the perfect thing, because on the other side of that conflict is going to be more understanding. So don’t be so afraid of conflict. You can get through it in a secure way that actually will deepen your sexual connection to you. So thanks for listening.
George Faller [00:31:12]:
Keep it hot, baby.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:31:14]:
Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.
George Faller [00:31:20]:
Laurie, we just keep pushing it coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer, playbook of a witcher. Really practical moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. And we’re so focused on what’s happening inside. Session. Enough. There’s talk about theories and these global things I think most therapists are looking for. What do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:31:46]:
That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized, to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations, teaching. It really is interactive, and I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.
George Faller [00:32:05]:
No, we try to emphasize the teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas, so we try to teach those, and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become yours. And that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do, is become their own moves.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:24]:
Find George and his teaching at successandvulnerability.com.
Joe Davis – Announcer [00:32:28]:
Call in your questions to the Foreplay question. Voicemail, dial 8 my. Foreplay. That’s 833 my, the number 4 play. 833-my4play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay media.
