Welcome to Episode 443 of the Foreplay podcast, “The Art of Pillow Talk”. Today’s hosts, Dr. Laurie Watson and George Faller, dive into the essential elements of maintaining and enhancing intimacy in relationships. We’ll explore the importance of repairing negative issues, the courage it takes to discuss emotions, and the safety and permission needed to ensure fruitful conversations. Laurie and George share insights on using humor, personal anecdotes, and fantasy discussions to deepen connections. Plus, we’ll talk about the role of external factors in the bedroom and open communication about sexual experiences and concerns. Join us as we unlock the keys to more vibrant, connected, and exciting relationships. Stay tuned for some amazing tips, personal stories, and a few laughs along the way!
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Quince – Stylish, ethical clothing at 50% to 80% off. Quince.com/foreplay for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.
Show Notes
Repair in Relationships
-George emphasizes that discussing negative issues is essential to prevent them from escalating. The ability to repair and address these issues is a significant aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship.
Gentleness and Self-Compassion
– Laurie highlights the importance of tenderness and self-compassion, especially regarding body image issues. This approach fosters a safe and loving environment for both partners.
Courage in Discussing Negative Emotions
– George explains that while it takes courage to discuss negative emotions, doing so can significantly benefit the relationship if partners respond supportively.
Curiosity and Understanding Sexual History: Laurie underscores the importance of understanding a partner’s sexual history and experiences as a means to improve intimacy and connection.
Safety in Conversations
-Both hosts stress the need to ensure that both partners are comfortable before embarking on sensitive discussions.
Permission and Protection
-Laurie and George advocate for asking permission and ensuring conversations are not harmful or triggering.
Historical and Fantasy Questions
-Laurie suggests using historical and fantasy questions to create intriguing and safe conversations about intimacy.
Anticipating Impact and Preventing Negative Cycles
-George discusses the importance of anticipating the impact of sensitive topics to prevent negative cycles in relationships.
Projection into Future Scenarios
-Laurie advises using safe projections into future scenarios to express desires without triggering negative past experiences
Transcript
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Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:16]:
Okay, George, what are we gonna talk about? About the bedroom. Right? That’s sexy. I don’t know if I have anything to talk about.
George Faller [00:01:23]:
Oh, no, Laurie, please tell me I’m not hearing that coming from your mouth right now. You got nothing to talk about in a bedroom.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:31]:
You got anything to talk about that sexy.
George Faller [00:01:33]:
We got a whole lot to talk about. That sexy.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:39]:
Welcome to Foreplay sex therapy. I’m Dr. Laurie Watson, your sex therapist.
George Faller [00:01:43]:
I’m George Faller, your couples therapist.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:46]:
We are here to talk about sex.
George Faller [00:01:48]:
Our mission is to help couples talk about sex in ways that incorporate their body, their mind, and their hearts.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:01:56]:
And we have a little bit of fun doing it, right G?
George Faller [00:01:58]:
Listen, and let’s change some relationships. We’re all in this message sometimes, right, where we’re not really sure what to talk about. There’s silence in the bedroom, which is some of the time cool, but when it’s chronic, it’s a real problem.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:11]:
And we get a lot of when is it cool to be silent in the bedroom? I want to know that one. I’m a pursuer.
George Faller [00:02:17]:
When your mother in law is next door to you.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:20]:
Oof! That is for sure. Or your kids are visiting. Your kids are visiting.
George Faller [00:02:24]:
Kids are visiting. Or you know, yeah, your podcast host is sleeping in the next bedroom with their partner.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:34]:
You gotta be very, very quiet. Oh, I don’t even want to think about you guys having sex with me. We’re over there.
George Faller [00:02:44]:
You didn’t see the swing that was we brought with us? No.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:02:49]:
Okay, so. Yeah, right? You gotta be very, very quiet. Yeah.
George Faller [00:02:54]:
We get this where people don’t know what to talk about. They’re like, how do you bring it up? It’s. We keep saying, if you can talk about sex, you’re gonna have good sex. If you can’t talk about sex, it correlates with bad sex. I mean, this is so clear. Research in so many different ways is saying the same thing again. Most people want to talk about sex, they just don’t know how to do it. They don’t have the content to talk about.
George Faller [00:03:16]:
It’s like, I wanna, and I don’t know what to do. So let’s just kind of throw a whole lot of things against a wall, and you could pick any of these things and start trying to talk about it in bedroom…
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:25]:
Okay. And you’re gonna go first. So what do you think that we should talk about that people want to hear about? Like, fantasies?
George Faller [00:03:34]:
I think it’s always good. I think we can go down a list. Fantasies, romance. I like to start with romance. I mean, I think there’s so much history.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:03:43]:
Are you just saying that? Are you just saying.
George Faller [00:03:47]:
I think that primes the whole process. Right? You have a history with this person. Being able to take a moment to think about that history, to think about what you’ve created together, you know, what you’ve shared, the good times and the bad times. You know, you bring your wedding photo out, you look at pictures of your kid. I mean, there’s so much there between the two of you, right? So they think about that. Your love, your appreciation. Right? You think about your first kiss, first time. I mean, there’s so much to access in our romantic side that can just get us more engaged to it.
George Faller [00:04:21]:
You just start a conversation. I can say to my wife, you know what? You know, I just had a flashback of, you know, our wedding day, and, you know, I was just so. I felt so good seeing you walk down that aisle. Like, I can just do that and let my body feel it again. And she kind of feels it again. Before you know it, that little spark kind of does something for the two of us that gets us out of the grind of everyday life and just kind of laying there and just thinking about tv shows or anything else. I mean, I think romance is a great. It’s a great little starter kit.
George Faller [00:04:57]:
What do you think Laurie?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:04:59]:
I think definitely romance is a starter kid, for sure. You know, I’m a sexual pursuer, right? So I don’t always. I like romance. That’s good. And I think it enhances things. Like, I really, really like candles in the bedroom, music in the bedroom. That’s romantic to me. But I also don’t, like, necessarily need flowers and cards and words like that to get me started sexually.
George Faller [00:05:33]:
Well, for some people, that might be a great. Cards are nice. What do you write in a card? How special you are, how much you’re irreplaceable. Most important thing to me, I mean, these are romantic gestures that carry with it connection. Right. So you can bring this into the bedroom. A lot of couples just think about it, you know, we go to a wedding or, you know, I bet you.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:05:56]:
My husband would like that. I probably need to do more of it. He actually does like, romantic gestures. Like, cards are really important to him.
George Faller [00:06:05]:
For a lot of people. I think the cards. It’s the meaning in those cards that really kind of makes all the work worthwhile. Right. When that’s affirmed or that’s acknowledged. So, yeah, it’s a beautiful way of just introducing that into the bedroom. Derek’s getting a card next time. I like it.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:23]:
He’s getting a card.
George Faller [00:06:25]:
Getting a card.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:25]:
Yeah. Okay. So we could talk about basically, right, all the things we think are romantic and how. And if that feeds our experience in the bedroom.
George Faller [00:06:37]:
Yeah. We could bring in our fantasies!
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:06:41]:
You need that. You need cards and all that kind of stuff.
George Faller [00:06:45]:
I think. I think it’s. We. I need sex in different ways. I like variety. Sometimes I could care less about romance, and sometimes it is nice to, you know, Valentine’s day or some moment where you read a card. When I’m done reading that card, I always feel like, huh, that feels like you see me. It feels like you really get me in a deeper way.
George Faller [00:07:04]:
Like, I do like that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:07:05]:
And now I want to go to bed with you. When you feel seen, you say that, right? And then the next thing is it motivates you sexually.
George Faller [00:07:17]:
Well, it’s an openness, right. And when I feel open and I feel connected and I feel, like, in sync, you know, that’s the most natural setting to kind of express that. So that can be a gas pedal for me. Romance, I think another one is fantasies. Right. Using our erotic brain. Right. Being able to anticipate, to think about different things, even if you never wind up doing it.
George Faller [00:07:41]:
Like, I never had a swing before, but just talking about a swing sounds fun, right? Tell my wife bust out that pole? I mean, she’s never going to put a damn pole in that bedroom. But, you know, the idea of her swinging around a pole sounds pretty good to me. We could bring these kind of playful ideas, you know, just to talk about or even laugh about. I think that can be something you can throw air.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:04]:
Yeah, exactly. Fantasies. Doing it outside. That’s. That’s one of my favorites. Yeah. Talking about it is exciting.
George Faller [00:08:13]:
Yeah.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:14]:
We actually did it out. We. We did it outside when we were really young a couple of times, different places. It was very private. Not, not, not public.
George Faller [00:08:22]:
Wasn’t on a train during rush hour, I think.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:25]:
It wasn’t. Oh, not on a train in rush hour. I think it was in the woods, in the mountains. I love the mountains. And it was like this, you know, sunlit little place on pine straw. It was. We were sexual there. That was fun also.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:08:42]:
It’s kind of like when you’re outside, isn’t it? Kind of like you’re open to the heavens.
George Faller [00:08:46]:
Something about being in nature. But for some people, I like sand or dirt or bugs or mosquitoes with all these things. You could come up with it and it could sound fun and doing it might not be as fun as you think, but. And we sharing fantasies and to give a caveat with that, right. Especially if you start sharing fantasies of other people or other things, they could become breaks for the. Your partner. And, you know, we want to be just aware that that good intent to have more fun sometimes can trigger hurt and leads to some disconnection. But, you know, we’re trying to keep this just throwing things out there, things, topics that you could bring up that give potential for more engagement in the conversations.
George Faller [00:09:27]:
And that erotic fantasy piece is something a lot of couples find interesting.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:09:32]:
And some people, it’s actually a gas pedal if they have their partner offer any fantasy about somebody else or anything else, that could be actually more of a turn on. You know, like, just like, I think it’s maybe the fantasy piece when they’re listening to their partner talk about a prior experience that was really great or, or a future fantasy. Is, isn’t it? Like just the thought of your partner is super excited. Yeah, that’s kind of the, I think the fulfilling part of that fantasy.
George Faller [00:10:04]:
Right. Which brings us into the idea of talking about introducing different things, right? Like a vibrator or pornography or having a drink. Somebody. We call those external factors bringing up things from the outside into the bedroom and sometimes mixing it up with that novelty. That’s exciting. It could also be a break for the other person. But this is a good thing to talk about, the bedroom. Like, do you like when you said music, like, what kind of music do you like? You’re in a mood for a rap song tonight instead of that slow stuff? I mean, is that something you want to talk about with your partner? You know, what is happening.
George Faller [00:10:38]:
If you were to watch pornography, what would something you would want to both watch together? Would it be a couple romantically on the beach somewhere? Is that what you’re looking for? Are you looking for something a little bit more? Who knows? I mean, these are just. They’re just topics. All a topic is, is an entry point. I always like to look at it. Esther Perel talks about this. You know the difference between a detective and an investigator? A detective is looking for information and going to use it against you. Like, we don’t want the detective showing up.
George Faller [00:11:06]:
We want an investigator who’s. Who’s wanting to be curious because they want to either know their partner better or they want to be known themselves better. That’s the spirit of these questions. Like, we’re bringing these up because, hey, I don’t know this part of you. Maybe you don’t like fantasies, and that’s cool, but maybe you do. This could be something that just gives us something more to know each other with.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:11:28]:
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George Faller [00:13:35]:
Right. But what do you think about that? Just the idea of, you know, pornography or bringing in some toys or just that, you know, having a conversation around that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:13:44]:
Yeah. I mean, I. Sexual pursuers. So all of those ideas are interesting to investigate. Right. How your partner feels about it and how you. And I think again, right. Taking your clothes off, literally and emotionally, this is how I feel about it.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:14:01]:
That’s kind of exciting. If you have an interested partner that they really want to know what you fantasize about and think about and the external things that kind of are a turn on for you. Exactly. I mean, what the turn on is like, I think porn is very controversial, but I think it’s very erotic, you know, and people watch it to get turned on. And sometimes a couple shares that watching together. But like you said, you know, just, what about that fantasy of watching it together would be exciting? So much room for error, but also so much room for excitement.
George Faller [00:14:38]:
I appreciated that when we had Stan Tatkin on and him talking about needing to shock the nervous system, not falling into, just sleepwalking through these conversations over and over again. I think a lot of couples in the bedroom do that. They don’t have much to engage with because it’s the same thing over and over again. Right. But being able to introduce new things, if you can find yourself being more engaged, if afterwards you’re like, huh, that was a good conversation. Like, that’s the stuff that sparks life force. Right. So we’re just trying to throw things on the table is giving you a chance to do more of that.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:15:09]:
Mm hmm. Right. Talking about your experience, like your body’s experience in the bedroom, that would be something exciting to listen to and to talk about. I mean, talking about your orgasm or what you feel when you kiss or, you know, what your body feels like when you get aroused, all that could just be exciting to explore and think about.
George Faller [00:15:34]:
Well, we just started the process. Let’s come back and throw some more at them. Lori, what do you think?
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George Faller [00:19:45]:
All right, I I love as you’re talking about, hey, talk about your body. Do you normally talk about that? Or how you like kissing or. This is where we get into direct feedback, right? What do you like? You like this position? You don’t like that position? You know, I think this is a fantastic area for couples to find more to start talking about, you know, and starting the conversation beforehand. That feedback is healthy. It’s trying to get it even better. Right? Couples that give each other feedback that’s so important in the act itself. So I really like that. Go a little bit slower, go a little bit faster.
George Faller [00:20:24]:
Can we switch positions? I really love that position. Like that, that ability to talk about the sex act itself again, it could be a great launching point for couples.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:20:35]:
I think so, too. I think so, too. I’m finding myself playing with my chords here. Nothing sexual, actually. I feel the nervousness of the sexual withdrawal. I’m afraid that they’re going to feel like we’re setting them up when they already have a lot of these conversations. But I guess I’m wondering if asexual withdrawer could talk about their body experience, even if they struggle to do that, just to say what those sensations are. I wonder if it wouldn’t turn them on, too.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:21:12]:
You know, I think that’s the hope is, as they share this, that they would feel turned on and also know themselves better and know what they like. And that’s kind of the exploration I would want them to do when I’m talking with them.
George Faller [00:21:27]:
And it’s okay.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:21:27]:
And I would imagine their partner wants.
George Faller [00:21:29]:
Them to do, yeah, it’s okay if you’re into courts, too, that’s fine. You know, that’s part of whatever turns you on. But this, this idea of when Laurie says what turns you on or what turns you off, these are important things to talk about. Not just all the things that turn us on, but a whole nother area couples can talk about is their turn offs and their breaks, things that are, you know, their fears, their insecurities. Like, I’m afraid I’m gonna let you down. I’m afraid I’m not going to do it right. I’m afraid I’m going to lose my erection. I’m afraid I’m not going to have an orgasm.
George Faller [00:22:08]:
Like, these are really important things to talk about.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:10]:
I’m afraid I’m going to have an orgasm too quickly.
George Faller [00:22:13]:
Yeah.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:15]:
I actually know a woman, George, who has an orgasm too quickly, and then she’s completely done. Like, she has an orgasm in two minutes and she doesn’t want to be touched after that. She’s done.
George Faller [00:22:27]:
Well, this would be a good time for her husband to have her partner to have premature ejaculation.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:22:31]:
Exactly. Exactly.
George Faller [00:22:34]:
Right. But that ability to talk about fears in an open, vulnerable way and have your partner show up for you in those fears. I mean, I’ve seen couples in my own relationship. These have been some of the most bonding moments, right. When you kind of can meet each other in a bedroom through the doorway of insecurity and negative emotion. So many partners want to avoid this and want to hide this and don’t bring it into the bedroom. And there is a timing for this. But just to recognize this is all also an area that couples need to discuss.
George Faller [00:23:07]:
If you’re never going to talk about things that are not working, you’re going to start seeing it’s not working is going to grow in your relationship. Couples that learn can repair, and that’s the critical thing that we’re looking for that ability to repair and that you have to do that. You have to do this negative stuff.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:23:26]:
Yeah. You have to be able to talk about all the things that are not working inside yourself, all the ways you turn yourself off, maybe the ways that you and your partner, like, the things that you do that don’t work. Oh, those are so hard, though. Right? We want people to be so tender and gentle with each other. And also, I think I want people to be tender and gentle with themselves. Like, when they think about disparaging their body, you know, my body isn’t attractive enough or my penis isn’t big enough or my breast sag or whatever the problem is. Right. I so want them to be merciful to themselves and to each other.
George Faller [00:24:09]:
Yeah. And that’s why every one of these things we’re talking about, like, we could do episodes on this, and yet so many couples say exactly what our, you know, listeners said. It’s like we have nothing to talk about.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:24:20]:
Right.
George Faller [00:24:20]:
Because we grew up in families not knowing how to talk about this, and we, you know, we lay there just saying, huh, I wish I could. I just don’t know what. Right. So these. These negative emotions, I think, are some of the easiest things this up, and they take courage to bring it up. But, you know, there’s this great upside to bringing it up, especially if your partner can respond to it. You know, some people also might bring up their history. Right.
George Faller [00:24:41]:
This can be a loaded topic. But, you know, they’ve learned to like or dislike things for good reasons. Right. So really getting interested about yourself, like, what other things that you learned, do you want to share that with your partner and not share that with your partner there?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:24:56]:
Mm hmm.
George Faller [00:24:58]:
What do you think about that, Lori?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:25:00]:
I just think that’s such a ripe field, you know, to understand your partner. I would want to know everything, you know, like, what was the best time that you had sexually, you know, the moment that was the most exciting. What was it like when you first came? What was it like with your first partner? Like, you know, or the best first partner that you had? You know, just like all of that. I just think I. My curiosity certainly. I think I would probably be turned on by that, or I would be interested in that. But also, it’s just like getting to know them and learning about. Okay.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:25:35]:
I mean, maybe taking it on as a challenge. Okay, how can we do that? You know, how can we be that exciting? What was so exciting about that?
George Faller [00:25:44]:
Yeah. And I think you need safety to have these conversations that if you find yourself. You’re a jealous person and you don’t want the information. Trust your intuition. This is probably not the conversation to have. Right. But for some people, like Lori, it’s a great example. Like, I just, I don’t find this threatening.
George Faller [00:25:59]:
I would love to have this information. This would make me feel closer to you, and that’s. That would be a great conversation to have. So, again, with all of these, you really gotta assess. Is this an area you both can push in the same direction, get on the same page and not kind of use this against each other?
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:26:16]:
You just, you just felt the, the part that is, like, difficult in it. Like, just. I had. I felt it earlier, too, like, oh, I don’t want to set up withdrawers. And now you just said, oh, I don’t want to set somebody up that’s going to feel jealous of this or threatened by it. Right.
George Faller [00:26:31]:
Well, I want people to go in with their eyes open. I think so often people get excited. They’re like, I want to try this out. And then they get blindsided that their partner, you know, gets impacted in a different way. So we want, like, that’s part of the start in the conversation saying, hey, I would want to talk about this. I think it would kind of bring some kind of fresh energy, you know, but I just want to protect you. Are you good with this? And if your partner’s good with it, go for it. But if your partner says, I don’t think I ever want to hear these things, because I can’t unhear it, well, we probably need to pump the brakes a little bit on that, Laurie.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:27:01]:
I like that. I like that question. I want to protect you. I want to make sure this is good for you. How do you feel about it? First, just getting permission and getting the sense from your partner, like, yeah, yeah, I do want to know, or, no, I. I’m just going to feel jealous and I’m going to remember that, and that won’t be good for me.
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George Faller [00:28:21]:
I totally trust the person bringing it up has some beautiful intent, right? They want more. They want to kind of get better energy. It’s so awesome. But they so missed the impact. They so just don’t even assess for that. And then their partner gets blasted or defensive, and then they get hurt and it sets off a negative cycle. And a lot of these can be anticipated and spoken to before they happen.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:28:45]:
You know, sometimes I think, especially with the historical questions or the fantasy questions, like, I like the question for couples that feels really safe. Like, can you imagine the sexiest seduction with me that you can, you know, like, what would that look like? Or could you tell me a time, like, can you imagine me touching you in a way that would be really great? And could you describe all those stages to me? Like, how do I touch you in the beginning? How do I touch you as you get really aroused? What do you want me to say to you? Do to you while you’re orgasming? You know, like, make it, I think, to create some safety, make it a projection into the future of what would be super terrific. So, you know, we can obviously add pieces that we know about our body. Maybe we do know about our history, but we can just kind of shuffle those into that question in a way that, you know, gives our partner information and creates an excitement about what’s going to happen between us.
George Faller [00:29:45]:
I think that’s helpful, too, with the history. When you think about, like, hey, let’s, when was the time when you, you think we had some amazing sex, you think about a vacation, you think about, you know, when you in a 10,000 miles club in the airplane or whatever.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:00]:
It was like, oh, now you’re telling us your secrets. Okay, okay. Hundred mile club.
George Faller [00:30:07]:
George, it’s a little small. Those bathrooms, I don’t know.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:11]:
But anyway, that you’re a big, that’s.
George Faller [00:30:14]:
A fun way of bringing in the past. That’s just trying to kind of energize the present moment. And I also think humor is, you know, talking about moments that were fun and were clumsy. You missed each other and it was awkward. I mean, it takes so much pressure off when people can laugh together about something, you know? Remember that time we tried to fool around on the beach? I thought it was going to be so romantic, and then, you know, got covered with sand. It didn’t feel so good, and we both cracked up laughing. We had to take a shower. I mean, I think these stories that all of us have, right.
George Faller [00:30:49]:
Just kind of just bring this sense of playfulness back to the bedroom. Right.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:30:54]:
We know. Right. We know. If we are telling our stories, our own stories, it actually does create a bond in our brain, you know, that’s why we do retell those stories of love or those. Retell those stories of erotic moments. Yeah. It actually works.
George Faller [00:31:12]:
We like things that work. Some people want to watch a little comedy show before they get into the bedroom, and they want to tell some jokes to each other, and they, you know, want to take this stuff less serious. Right. But you both got to be on the same page for that. But I often find this is something couples never try to talk about with each other is bringing some humor into the bedroom.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:31:34]:
Mm hmm. I say that’s a strong suit for us. We. We laugh every single time, you know, because there’s a lot to laugh about, actually. But it’s fun.
George Faller [00:31:46]:
Yeah. But if you’re, like, trying this new position, you’re like, damn, it sucks getting old. Then. My body doesn’t do that. What I used to be able to do, like, I don’t know. I think there’s something about being in that together. Right. You have a history with each other.
George Faller [00:31:59]:
Right. And I don’t know, there’s some shared empathy in these little connections and communicating that instead of just keeping that to yourself.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:07]:
Yep. Yep. My husband and I, we have a vow. We’re, like, gonna push the old people back. Like, we’re not gonna get. We’re not gonna let the old people part of us stop us sexually or any other way.
George Faller [00:32:22]:
But that’s obviously a conversation that you had. We’re not gonna let old age stop us. Right? We’re gonna. So, you used old age as a conversation in the bedroom to get to know each other better.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:34]:
Oh, and that’s so sexy. That’s so sexy.
George Faller [00:32:37]:
But I think there’s something about partnering, knowing your partner feels what you feel and wants what you want, that makes you feel united. That is pretty sexy.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:32:45]:
Oh, that’s true. Okay. Absolutely. So what we’re saying. Right? Let’s talk about it. Let’s. Let’s talk about all the fun, sexy things that we can do with each other and have done and might do and just to heat it up, might.
George Faller [00:33:00]:
Not ever be able to do, but it’d still be nice if you could do it. That’s the thing with possibility. There’s endless possibilities. There should be endless things to talk about. And if you find yourself not being able to talk about anything, you’re just stuck for good reasons. Just keep throwing things up against the wall. Something’s going to stick, something’s going to get your partner to engage. And again, that’s what starts to build this momentum.
George Faller [00:33:24]:
It all starts with that first conversation. So those couples listening were just laying there saying, holy cow, we got nothing to talk about. There is tons to talk about.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:34]:
That’s right. That’s right. Okay, thanks for listening.
George Faller [00:33:39]:
Keep on talking.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:33:40]:
Okay, so tell us about your cutting edge training that you’re doing on success and vulnerability.
George Faller [00:33:46]:
Laurie, we just keep pushing it. Coming up with a new module on the playbook of a pursuer. Playbook book of a withdrawer. Really practical, moment by moment moves of what a therapist can use. And we’re so focused on what’s happening in session enough. There’s talk about theories and these global things I think most therapists are looking for. What do I do in this moment? Give me a tool, George. So that’s what we’re trying to do.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:34:12]:
That’s awesome. I am so glad you guys are doing this work. I think it helps us be organized to see you do it. You do demos, you do explanations, teaching. It really is interactive, and I think that so many trainings that we sit through don’t give us an opportunity for that. So what you’re doing is really important.
George Faller [00:34:31]:
No, we try to emphasize the teach it, show it, do it model of learning. You need to have some ideas. So we try to teach those, and then we try to show what it looks like implementing those ideas. But most importantly, you now got to practice it. That’s how they become, and that’s what we want our listeners and watchers to do is become their own moves.
Dr. Laurie Watson [00:34:50]:
Find George and his teaching at successandvulnerability.com.
George Faller [00:34:54]:
Call in your questions to the Foreplay question voicemail. Call eight three three my. Foreplay833-my4play. That’s eight three three my, the number four play. And we’ll use the questions for our mailbag episodes. All content is for entertainment purposes only and should not be considered as a substitute for therapy by a licensed clinician or as medical advice from a doctor. This podcast is copyrighted by Foreplay media.
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