All of us have struggles communicating, and these struggles often seep into the bedroom. As sex and couples therapists, we often run into couples who avoid talking about sex and sexual needs. Instead, they defer to an avoidant-style habit that can be a sex life killer: making assumptions.

When we make up stories about our partner, it kills the curious drive that creates sexual magic. When we assume our partner knows what we want, we forfeit the possibility of getting our needs met.

People make up stories and assumptions for understandable reasons. They do it to avoid embarrassment or vulnerability. They do it because they don’t want to hurt their partner, make them feel insecure, or because communication wasn’t received well in the past. But no matter the reason, we can’t stop trying. The cost of not sharing is so much worse!

Let’s talk about some practical solutions to breaking the habit of assumption, and talking explicitly to get better sex.